Week Fourteen 2014: Giants at Titans

The Giants FINALLY got a win! It took a long time, but the G-Men put an end to their abysmal losing streak.

It was a dominant performance. The pass rush was all over the quarterback, Eli had a bunch of time to throw, and the Giants looked like a force to be reckoned with.

But hold, on Jesse Spano, don't get so excited, yet. Yes, this win was impressive. But no, it's not a win that was all that impressive either.

Don't get excited, Giants' fans, but don't get scared either, it's only football

The offensive line protected Eli very well. He had a ton of time to throw on most pass attempts, and he wasn't sacked once. The running backs had holes to run through. It was nice to watch a game without seeing Eli running (or shuffling) for life, or getting his ass kicked.

Eli had a pretty good game for the most part. He didn't hit three hundred yards, he only threw one touchdown, and he threw what was probably one of his worst pick sixes ever. EVER. He had a wide open lane to run for a first down, but instead he threw the ball directly to Titans' safety Marqueston Huff. I know Eli on his feet isn't exactly as graceful as A.C. Slater dancing, but throwing that ball was a worse decision then drunk driving in Lisa's mom's car.

C'mon, preppy, don't throw the ball RIGHT to the guy!

Andre Williams lead the rushing attack against the Titans. He ran for one hundred and thirty-one yards, that included a fifty yard touchdown run. He also caught three balls for sixteen yards. That's still an aspect of his game that needs work. Especially if Eli is under more pressure than Jesse is to get into Stansbury.

As usual, the receivers made plays, but also made mistakes. Of course, Odell Beckham Jr. made incredible plays and continues to be the bright spot in the Giants' future.

This duck is dead. Just like the Giants' season.

The Titans' offensive line seemed to have more injuries than the Giants' offensive line. Which means, they were pulling kids off the Bayside Chess Team to fill in on the line. The defense racked up five sacks during this game. This included two from Jason Pierre-Paul. Turns out that all he needs to be successful is to square up against a couple of nerds. From the start of the game, the d-line was all over the Titans' quarterbacks like oil on Becky the duck. Unfortunately, they don't line up against terrible offensive lines all the time.

The Giants' secondary played well. DRC even had a pick six. Well, it would've been a pick six if Damontre Moore didn't blindside Zach Mettenberger during the return. The negation of the touchdown really made DRC and Antrel Rolle look like morons for their demonstrative photo shoot celebration. I understand that the pick six was a huge play for the team, and after you lose for two straight months your emotions get the better of you. But do you need to act like your posing for the Bayside fashion shoot?

Kelly Kapowski, you can start a modeling career in France! As long as your sociopath of a boyfriend doesn't ruin it for you. 

In short, the Giants played a great game against a terrible team. I think it's foolish to think this team is any better then they were during their free fall. But don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that the Giants won, and it was great to see the Giants' laughing and smiling on the sidelines

Buy This Guy A Beer: It's been such a long time without a win, I forgot that this segment existed. I guess I'd give the beer to Coach Tom Coughlin. I don't know what his future holds come February. He could remain the coach of the Giants, he could retire, or he could get fired. Either way, after coaching a team that stunk for over sixty straight days, and with his future looming over him like a dark cloud, he deserves a cold one.

What's more offensive: The Redskins' name or Running Zack?

On to the Next One: The Giants are back in Jersey to square off against the Redskins. Now, this match-up isn't exactly the Bayside vs Valley battle we all want to see, but it's two teams in the same division, and they both want a win. It's going to come down who wants it more, and I think the Giants' players want to win more for Coughlin than the Redskins' want to win for Jay Gruden. Basically, I'm saying that Screech has a better chance of scoring with Lisa than the 'Skins do to win this game. But, you know I've been wrong before.

So What Have I Learned?

Andre Williams has the potential of breaking off huge runs. That's exactly what I want to see from a future starting running back. Especially since everyone thought of him just as a battering ram. 

Odell Beckham can do anything. There's footage of him spinning a ball upright on the turf and then kicking the spinning ball through the uprights for a thirty-five yards. This week, ODB threw the ball on a reverse pass. He launched a spiral as tight as Mr. Belding's bond with the Bayside student body sixty-five yards to a double covered Rueben Randle. It was an incomplete pass, but it was still something to be encouraged about.

Damontre Moore could be a dominant force in the NFL. He just has to grow up and learn how to play professional football. Maybe he should take caffeine pills so he can study the playbook and watch game film all night? 

The Giants aren't the worst team in the league.