Week Sixteen 2014: Giants at Rams

I honestly though that the Giants were going to get their asses handed to them when they played the Rams. Instead, the G-Men put up thirty seven points on the Rams defense, who have never given up that amount of points so far this season, and only gave up twelve point in the three games prior to their meeting against the Giants. This game was meaningless as getting Stevie Wonder a big screen 3D T.V. for Christmas. But it didn't stop the teams from fighting like the Jets and the Sharks (the gangs, not the hockey teams).

The Rams have a reputation of playing dirty in this league. They have the most amount of penalty yards, but the fourth most number of penalties committed. That means a good amount of their penalties are of the personal foul, fifteen yard variety. And the Rams made it very clear that they were targeting Odell Beckham Jr. for termination. So the Giants knowing all of this arrived in St. Louis ready to fight. Needless to say, the game started off as an absolute sh*t show. Big Blue started off the game like Team USA in first period of the Junior Goodwill Games Championship against Iceland. With DeOssie hitting a guy out of bounds, Josh Brown kicking someone in the face, and not to mention the brawl that broke out because of the ODB/Alec Ogletree altercation, all it needed was Eli lassoing a Rams defender for trying to take a cheap shot at Beckham.

Josh Brown's mule kick was only one incident in a game full of incidents.

It was a good win for the Giants. Yeah, the win doesn't miraculously get them into the playoffs, but they fought hard for each other. I mean literally fought. After the game when players were asked about the fight, they'd use words like "family" and "we have each others backs". That's something that you want to see out of a football team. If nothing else, the team hasn't given up and is still fighting.

C'mon Odell, let's get outta here. Don't listen to what those bad men are saying.

 Eli had an incredible game. Probably one of his best games in a long time, if not ever. He completed almost eighty percent of his passes for almost four hundred yards, and threw three touchdowns. He also only got sacked once. He was on point the entire game.

Andre Williams rushed for one hundred and ten yards against a tough run defense. He is really starting to show signs of being a very reliable running back. Orleans Darkwa also came onto the running scene with his first career touchdown.

The receivers were on fire this game. What else can I say about Odell Beckham Jr.? When the game started, he was very... let's say excitable. He didn't exactly do a good job of easing the tension between the two teams. But after halftime, he settled down and continued to make his case for offensive rookie of the year. All of the great plays he made against the Rams, the most impressive was his ability to evade the dirty torpedo hit attempted by T.J. McDonald, which resulted in cornerback E.J. Gaines getting a concussion. It was almost like he teleported around the mid-air McDonald.

I never want to see a player get hurt. But I have to admit that I felt no sympathy when this happened. This is what happens when your team is chock full of guys who take cheap shots. McDonald should have been fined.

Even Rueben Randle had a big game. I guess not pissing off Coach Coughlin by showing up late to meetings paid off.

The offensive line was able to keep the Rams pass rush in check. Granted they had like thirty holding penalties, but they still only have up one sack.

The defense played fine against the Rams. Despite a good rush from the defensive line, Shaun Hill threw for almost three hundred, and got two touchdowns. Some players like Kerry Wynn stepped up in a big way during this game. JPP also added another sack to his season's total. I'm not sure if he's coming around, or if it's just the teams he's been playing lately. I think it's the latter.

The game meant nothing, but the Giants played like the season was on the line. It was refreshing to see.

Buy This Guy a Beer: Undrafted free agent, Kerry Wynn, had a huge impact on the Giants' defense. He had a sack, an interception, and a fumble recovery. That's like getting defensive lineman Bingo.

Could this be the next unexpected star of the Giants?

On To The Next One: The Giants play the Eagles this week. The game means absolutely nothing to either team. But it is the Giants and the Eagles we're talking about here. They get along worse than the Ghostbusters and the EPA's Walter Peck. Looks like this will be another meaningless game that will be played like the NFC Championship game. It would be very nice for the Giants to get some revenge after their terrible game against the Eagles a few months back.

"Yes it's true, this man has no d*ck."

So what have I learned?
  

DANG! That bite hurt!

This new offense has given Eli the radioactive spider bite that his career needs. Obviously he isn't at the Rodgers, Brady, or Peyton level, I'm not delusional. But this season Eli hasn't only been sharp, but he's been way more consistent. And let's face it, if anyone on the Giants is Spider-Man, it's Odell. 

I know Beckham can do it all. But let's not have him stand behind center while Eli lines up at wide out.

The Rams are a bunch of dirt bags. What do you expect from the defensive coordinator who encouraged his players to injure opponents?

Giants are showing a great deal of heart and determination. They definitely aren't mailing it in. That might hurt come April, but right now it's good to see them not quit. 

Week Fifteen 2014: Giants vs Reskins

The Giants got their fifth win of the season last Sunday against the Redskins. It's not saying much against the woeful Redskins, but this win is important. This win might be the reason why Coach Coughlin won't get a pink slip in his stocking on Christmas morning. But, other than that, the game didn't mean much.

Eli had a good game. Three touchdowns (all to Odell Beckham Jr.), and no turnovers, which is nothing short of a Christmas miracle.

The running game was nothing short of disappointing. Like expecting to get toys your grandparents when you're a kid, and getting nothing but socks, and sweaters.

Obviously, Odell Beckham Jr. shined as bright as Rudolph's red nose. The rest of the receivers had the same effect as Ben Affleck's holiday smash hit colossal failure, Surviving Christmas! Now to be fair I've never seen it, but I feel confident that it's a steaming pile of reindeer polp.

This belongs on the Mount Rushmore of awful Affleck movies. It's right up there with Gigli, and Daredevil.

The line protected Eli well. They only gave up one sack. They just couldn't create running lanes for the running game.

Defense played well throughout the game. For a small period of time, I was worried that this game was going to spark the "Is RG3 back?!" conversation amongst the great pontificators in the media. However, the play that made me think he was back (that touchdown run at the end of the first half) was ruled to be not a touchdown, it was all downhill for the Redskins. RG3 took a beating from the Giants' defense. With every ensuing possession, Griffin looked more and more like Tiny Tim if his crutch kept of getting kicked out from underneath him.


Buy This Guy A Beer: The only reason that RG3's touchdown was overturned, and the Giants got back all the momentum was Jason Pierre-Paul. He ran as fast as the Polar Express to the quarterback when he was running towards the endzone, and right before Griffin crossed the plane, JPP hit his arm and knocked the ball loose. The ball was never officially recovered, and it was ruled to not be a touchdown. Which then lead to Santana Moss saying things to the officials that got him tossed from the game, and more importantly, landed him on the naughty list.

Hope you like coal, Santana.

Onto The Next One: The Giants travel west to St. Louis to face a Rams' defense as stingy as Ebenezer Scrooge. The Rams disguise their pass rushes really well. They do it even better then the Eagles. I know you remember what happened there. Hopefully the offensive line, which is softer than Santa's beard, is up to the task. If not, Eli is gonna get beaten up like Scut Farkus (I double checked. It's Scut not Scott).

Let's face it, Eli definitely has that coon skin hat at home. There's no way he doesn't.

I really don't think the Giants are up to the task here. Schwarzenegger had a better chance of finding a Turbo Man doll, than the Giants have of leaving St. Louis with a win. 

So What Have I Learned?

There's always one player on the Redskins' secondary that isn't good enough to hang with good receivers and has to commit penalties when they get beat. On this team it's Bashaud Breeland. 

Rueben Randle will not be a Giant next year.

Thank God there's a team in the NFC East that the Giants can beat.

Week Fourteen 2014: Giants at Titans

The Giants FINALLY got a win! It took a long time, but the G-Men put an end to their abysmal losing streak.

It was a dominant performance. The pass rush was all over the quarterback, Eli had a bunch of time to throw, and the Giants looked like a force to be reckoned with.

But hold, on Jesse Spano, don't get so excited, yet. Yes, this win was impressive. But no, it's not a win that was all that impressive either.

Don't get excited, Giants' fans, but don't get scared either, it's only football

The offensive line protected Eli very well. He had a ton of time to throw on most pass attempts, and he wasn't sacked once. The running backs had holes to run through. It was nice to watch a game without seeing Eli running (or shuffling) for life, or getting his ass kicked.

Eli had a pretty good game for the most part. He didn't hit three hundred yards, he only threw one touchdown, and he threw what was probably one of his worst pick sixes ever. EVER. He had a wide open lane to run for a first down, but instead he threw the ball directly to Titans' safety Marqueston Huff. I know Eli on his feet isn't exactly as graceful as A.C. Slater dancing, but throwing that ball was a worse decision then drunk driving in Lisa's mom's car.

C'mon, preppy, don't throw the ball RIGHT to the guy!

Andre Williams lead the rushing attack against the Titans. He ran for one hundred and thirty-one yards, that included a fifty yard touchdown run. He also caught three balls for sixteen yards. That's still an aspect of his game that needs work. Especially if Eli is under more pressure than Jesse is to get into Stansbury.

As usual, the receivers made plays, but also made mistakes. Of course, Odell Beckham Jr. made incredible plays and continues to be the bright spot in the Giants' future.

This duck is dead. Just like the Giants' season.

The Titans' offensive line seemed to have more injuries than the Giants' offensive line. Which means, they were pulling kids off the Bayside Chess Team to fill in on the line. The defense racked up five sacks during this game. This included two from Jason Pierre-Paul. Turns out that all he needs to be successful is to square up against a couple of nerds. From the start of the game, the d-line was all over the Titans' quarterbacks like oil on Becky the duck. Unfortunately, they don't line up against terrible offensive lines all the time.

The Giants' secondary played well. DRC even had a pick six. Well, it would've been a pick six if Damontre Moore didn't blindside Zach Mettenberger during the return. The negation of the touchdown really made DRC and Antrel Rolle look like morons for their demonstrative photo shoot celebration. I understand that the pick six was a huge play for the team, and after you lose for two straight months your emotions get the better of you. But do you need to act like your posing for the Bayside fashion shoot?

Kelly Kapowski, you can start a modeling career in France! As long as your sociopath of a boyfriend doesn't ruin it for you. 

In short, the Giants played a great game against a terrible team. I think it's foolish to think this team is any better then they were during their free fall. But don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that the Giants won, and it was great to see the Giants' laughing and smiling on the sidelines

Buy This Guy A Beer: It's been such a long time without a win, I forgot that this segment existed. I guess I'd give the beer to Coach Tom Coughlin. I don't know what his future holds come February. He could remain the coach of the Giants, he could retire, or he could get fired. Either way, after coaching a team that stunk for over sixty straight days, and with his future looming over him like a dark cloud, he deserves a cold one.

What's more offensive: The Redskins' name or Running Zack?

On to the Next One: The Giants are back in Jersey to square off against the Redskins. Now, this match-up isn't exactly the Bayside vs Valley battle we all want to see, but it's two teams in the same division, and they both want a win. It's going to come down who wants it more, and I think the Giants' players want to win more for Coughlin than the Redskins' want to win for Jay Gruden. Basically, I'm saying that Screech has a better chance of scoring with Lisa than the 'Skins do to win this game. But, you know I've been wrong before.

So What Have I Learned?

Andre Williams has the potential of breaking off huge runs. That's exactly what I want to see from a future starting running back. Especially since everyone thought of him just as a battering ram. 

Odell Beckham can do anything. There's footage of him spinning a ball upright on the turf and then kicking the spinning ball through the uprights for a thirty-five yards. This week, ODB threw the ball on a reverse pass. He launched a spiral as tight as Mr. Belding's bond with the Bayside student body sixty-five yards to a double covered Rueben Randle. It was an incomplete pass, but it was still something to be encouraged about.

Damontre Moore could be a dominant force in the NFL. He just has to grow up and learn how to play professional football. Maybe he should take caffeine pills so he can study the playbook and watch game film all night? 

The Giants aren't the worst team in the league.

Week Thirteen 2014: Giants at Jaguars

Giants suck. They suck so much that I wanted to just put that first sentence down as my entire post this week. But I thought about it, and I decided that I ain't goin' out like that. Instead I'm gonna let my friends from Seinfeld tell my story... (cue bass slappin')

I had all the confidence in the world that the Giants would win this game.

Could you blame me? The Jags stink and the Giants were long overdue for a win.

When the game started, I wasn't disappointed. The Giants came ready to play.

As the game went on, I got more and more happy with the Giants playing. 

Even when the Jags even scored a field goal in the second quarter, I wasn't worried at all.

Towards the end of the first half, my confidence level was dangerously close to smug.

When halftime arrived, I was excited that Big Blue was gonna get their fourth win.

At the start of the second half, I was just as confident as ever.

Even when Eli fumbled the ball and the Jags recovered it for a touchdown, it didn't bother me.

After a missed field goal by Josh Brown, Blake Bortles hit Marqise Lee for a thirty yard score, and it dawned on me that this game is far from over.

Then, Larry Donnell fumbled the ball, and that was returned by the Jags for a touchdown. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. 

The G-Men started to put together a scoring drive, but it stalled and the Giants had to settle for a field goal to give themselves a two point lead.

That two point lead wasn't enough as Bortles made the Giants defense look foolish and drove his team into field goal range. With twenty three seconds left, the Jags took a one point lead.

With a half-minute left, the Giants had the ball. But their last drive played out like the rest of the second half. Eli was under a huge amount of pressure, and a fumble was forced. Jags recovered. Game over.

This game was the worst of the season. Yes, worse than the loss to the Eagles. The fact that this game was essentially meaningless and it still drove me nuts is a testament to how infuriating the Giants played.

I have no idea what's going to happen to this team in February. Honestly, I don't even know if I care about what happens after this awful season is over.

So What Have I Learned?

The Giants suck.  The only thing we have to look forward to as Giants fans is a high draft pick come spring time.