Week 12: Giants vs Packers

"The fact is, [the Giants] didn't beat us; we beat ourselves. We need to play our best ball when it counts. This year, I expect us to be right where we should be." These were the words spoken in August by Clay Matthews about the Packers' loss to the Giants last January. Well, this past Sunday, the Giants steamrolled the Pack. I wonder what the Game of Thrones' extra will say about this embarrassing loss.

"Prepare yourselves! Excuses are coming!"

In the beginning of this game, it looked like it was going to be a close one, but the Giants turned it on and ran away with it.

First Quarter:
It started off well for Eli and the Giants from their very first possession. There was a short pass to Bradshaw, which he took fifty-nine yards to Green Bay's two yard line. The Browntown Express punched the ball in the endzone for the first score of the game.
On the Packers' responding drive, Corey Webster got burned by Jordy Nelson for a sixty-one yard touchdown catch. 
Later in the quarter, Eli fires a perfect strike sixteen yards to Rueben Randle for the Giant's second touchdown of the game.
Earlier, Corey Webster looked like a fool against Jordy Nelson, but this time Webster picked off Rodgers, who looks like an extra from Boogie Nights, and redeemed himself.
That interception lead to a Tynes field goal.
Score: Giants 17-Packers 7

Second Quarter:
On the Giants' first possession in the second quarter, Eli hooks up with Victor Cruz for a nine yard touchdown.
The Packers following that drive is capped off with a Mason Crosby field goal.
After a Giants' three and out, the Packers get the ball back, but Osi strip sacks the mustachioed MVP and the Haitian of Domination recovers the ball.
Bradshaw runs into the endzone during that following possession.
Score: Giants 31-Packers 10

Second Half:
The beat down continued as Nicks got his beach ball-sized hands into the mix with his own receiving TD.
Rodgers was sacked a few more times.
It ended peacefully with a kneel-down.
Final Score: Giants 38-Packers 10

Eli looked like he was back in Superbowl MVP shape after he shook off some rust early on. He seemed to be on the same page with his receivers, and his receivers didn't drop an absurd amount of passes.

This is Cyclops, in case you didn't know.

Martellus Bennett had three catches for forty-four yards on Sunday. But after the game, his "spidey-sense" was tingling as he caught a middle-aged man who was falling from the stands, fifteen-feet high, onto what would be a concrete floor. He likened himself to Cyclops from X-Men. "Cyclops has super powers. He's caught people. He caught Jean Grey a couple of times. But all superheroes catch people at some point in time. Otherwise they're not as super as they think they are." Maybe if the NFL thing doesn't work out, he can be a masked vigilante named The Black Unicorn.

The running game also looked reinvigorated as Bradshaw and Brown combined for one hundred yards rushing. Unfortunately, Brown broke his fibula and will be on the injured reserve/designated for return list. This will give David Wilson the carries that he deserves.

The defense looked incredible. Throughout the entire game, Super Trooper Aaron Rodgers was under pressure. The Giants' defense was chasing Rodgers like a Burt Reynold's fan club, which lead to five sacks and a ton of hurried throws.

"I don't want a large Farva! I want some goddamn pass protection!"

With Kenny Phillips being back, Antrel Rolle was used to help contain the Packers' explosive receivers. It was also a "welcome back game" for Chase Blackburn, who had a huge sack and a nice tipped pass in the endzone.

So what have I learned?

Why so serious?

Now that Andre Brown's fibula is broken like Fireman Ed's spirit, David Wilson will be Bradshaw's backup. The running game will look very different now, and a lot more passes can be expected when the Giants are in the redzone.

The return of Kenny Phillips and Chase Blackburn is the best thing for the team as they make their playoff push. Chase isn't the most physically gifted player on the defense, but he's probably the smartest. And with Phillips back, Rolle can be used as a corner or as an extra safety to help the next time Webster gets torched.

Manning and Bradshaw both benefited tremendously from the week off. Bradshaw gave all of the metal in his body time to set and Eli gave his arm a much-needed rest.  

Although Eli Manning outplayed Aaron Rodgers, Rodgers won the facial hair contest on Sunday night. While Rodgers looked like a young Tom Selleck, Eli looked like a young Italian boy, like an eleven year old with peach fuzz. Glad to see his arm is feeling better, but his beard has more patches in it than a hipster's cardigan. 

Martellus Bennett is a nerdy white kid trapped in a monster's body. He'd be the only one dressed up at Comic Con that actually has super strength, and wouldn't be given a wedgie.

The Giants are in good position to make the playoffs. Unless they cram their heads into each others asses, the G-Men have a good chance to win the NFC East.

Cue the circus music!