Week 10: Giants at Bengals

To say I was was disappointed by the Giants game on Sunday it to say that Tim Tebow is a casual church goer. On all fronts, it was a major disaster.

"Hey Jesus! It's me, T-Dog. Wanna have a catch later?"

Since I don't have the stomach for a long-winded breakdown of the "Xs and Os," I'll just give the highlights, or in this case, the lowlights. Here is what I remember happening (because I'm still too angry to put a good amount of research into it). 

- I do remember Chase Blackburn forcing a fumble.
- I remember the Browntown Express getting tons of garbage time yards and a touchdown. 
- Corey Webster left A.J. Green "junk flapping in the wind" naked for a TD. But to be fair, Green's only one of the best receivers in the league. Most DBs give him a cushion.
- A good punt by Weatherford got called back because of an illegal procedure penalty and the re-punt was almost housed. The Bengals scored a touchdown on that possession.
- I remember Bradshaw fumbling the ball after bulldozing for a first down.
- I remember Eli Manning throwing some of his patented "Eli" throws from 2006, like a lob to an offensive lineman that was picked off by a defensive lineman. In Eli's defense though, it's hard to tell the difference between David Baas and Hakeem Nicks. It's also tough to see those svelte defensive linemen. Just take the sack.
- I remember the Eli face.
- I remember Victor Cruz being "junk flapping in the wind" naked while being steps away from the endzone, Eli dropping the ball into his hands as if it was a carnival game, and Cruz then dropping the sure touchdown.

Here's what I don't remember:
- I don't remember seeing JPP, Tuck, or Osi doing anything.
- I don't remember seeing the last quarter of the game. Mostly because I wasn't watching it. Because I had better things to do... like intentionally not watch the game.

"How is sanding the floor gonna help me throw touchdowns?"

I don't know what the hell is wrong with Eli Manning. Maybe it's a dead arm, maybe he forgot how to play at an elite level. But he's gotta figure it out. Maybe through an 80's montage. I can see him now: studying game film, running through a park, weight lifting, walking old ladies across the street, and recycling. All set to "You're the Best Around" from the Karate Kid.

Bradshaw and Brown combined for one hundred and twenty-two yards, with Brown getting most of those yards towards the end of the game when the Bengals were more focused on where they were eating dinner than the actual game. But you can't expect too many carries when you're down seventeen to six at halftime.

It turns out that A.J. Green was right when he said the Giant's defense has "a lot of holes". On Sunday there weren't holes on defense, there were chasms and it was the entire team, not just the defense.

Andy Dalton, who has a terrible case of Gingervitis, had a career-high four touchdowns, but threw for less than two hundred yards. What does that say? A lot of those scoring drives started in good field position. You can't hold all of those scores over the heads of the defense. 
 
The entire game was embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as the Owner/President/GM of your team getting video bombed by a Cowboy's ass during an interview.

"C'mon down to Cowboys' Stadium and wash some asses!"

So what have I learned?

The Giants need a lot of work. Not quite a Lindsay Lohan amount of work, but more like a Robert Downey Jr. amount of work.

This is the Giants.

This is the Eagles. Any questions?

They were never a team that made things easy for themselves. It happens around this time every year. They are the Kings of October, but the Clowns of November.

This bye week is much needed. But it may have been one week too late. Hopefully they can use this time to get their heads right.

If I were Andy Dalton, I'd dye tiger stripes in my hair. It would look like he's always wearing a helmet.

Beaten by a Ginger.