Week One: Giants vs Cowboys

For the past eight years the defending Superbowl champions were 8-0 on their opening night "Superbowl Banner Game". The team that was celebrated in this year's game, the New York Giants, was the first team to win a Superbowl with a 9-7 record. It kinda makes sense that the same team is the first team to lose their banner game.

Where you at, grammar?!

How did this happen? I'm as perplexed as I was when I watched Keyshawn Johnson's and Chris Carter's segment "Where you at?!" on NFL Countdown. Honestly, I don't think I understood one sentence during that bit. Apparently you can hide from your friends, even your mom, but the bank always knows where you at...

...Anyway the two biggest issues with the team as a whole that I saw on Wednesday night was the running game and the passing defense.

If it wasn't for Bradshaw's thirty-three yard run we wouldn't have much to talk about for the running game. The offensive line couldn't create any running room for Bradshaw and David Wilson picked the worse time to catch fumbleitis. He only had two carries and he gives the ball up to the Cowboys. It is no coincidence that you didn't see him get any more carries after coughing up that ball.

"Does this hat make me look tough? No? Not even a little?"

I knew the Giants were going to have problems stopping the pass but I didn't expect Kevin Ogletree to have a career day against the them either. What is the most concerning is that the big passing plays for Dallas were due to mistakes by Corey Webster. I was hoping that the Giants pass rush would be enough to throw Tony Romo off of his game, but a tip of the backwards Starter cap to Romosexual. He played well and avoided the Giants pressure only getting sacked twice. Even the Haitian of Domination couldn't touch him.

It also doesn't help that DeMarco Murray ran wild on the Giants and that Victor Cruz dropped three crucial passes. Or that when the Giants started a possession at the goal line they could only get three points. It's stuff like that that adds up to a disappointing loss. Listen, it's not easy building a bridge if you don't have sufficient workers and tools.

"Look! It's Enrico Pallazzo!"

It's not I can blame the unofficial officials for a horrible job in calling this game (even though I hate that excuse if it was true). There was a defensive holding penalty on the Giants that could have been called but that could have happened with the regular officials. Also the Cowboys had over fifty more penalty yards than the Giants. There were times, however, when I expected to see Detective Frank Drebin disguised as an official like during that Angels/Mariners baseball game (look it up). Maybe he needed to prevent an assassination or a terrorist attack so he has to dress as the line judge or something. But there was no slap-stick on Wednesday night, just a Giants loss.

So what have I learned?

-I learned that the Giants secondary needs to get healthy now. The secondary is lacking more depth than last year and you see how it can be exploited if the Giants front four isn't effective. It's a good thing the secondary has ten days rest before their next game.

 -David Wilson needs to get more carries. Brashsaw cannot take all of these carries by himself. I understand that Coughlin benched him in order to send a message that fumble will not be tolerated. He has a habit on laying the ball on the ground so hopefully he can be taught how to keep the ball secure like Tiki Barber.

-Even though the Giants played bad football on Wednesday night, they still only lost by a touchdown to a talented Cowboys team. Not only that, but who knows what would have happened if they got the ball back one last time in the fourth quarter.

-The Giants will rebound and should win the next two contests against Tampa Bay and Carolina. They are angry about the loss and they are now out to prove themselves to everyone. 

2012 Predictions

In 2004 I had a gutsy but ridiculous prediction. "The Detroit Lions will win the Super Bowl in 2006!" It was based on no facts, I couldn't begin to rationalize it, but I stuck to my guns about it. As you know now, I was so wrong. That 2006-2007 season the Lions finished 3-13.

"You will have the prettiest anus in the whole dog park!"

Now, after four games of half-played football the Giants are ready to begin defending their title on Wednesday against the Cowboys. And after those games I am ready to make some more gutsy and ill-informed for the 2012 season. I know that you probably care about my predictions like you care about Kim Kardashian's dog's bunghole getting bleached but here we go.

Prediction #1: Giants will have a 10-6 record. This will be good enough to sneak in the playoffs in a tough division. Six of these wins won't be decided in the 4th quarter.

Prediction #2: Jason Pierre-Paul will have twenty sacks this season. He had sixteen and a half sacks last year and he's only getting better. Think of Blanka from Street Fighter only with more electricity. This season he will earn the nickname of "Haitian of Domination".

"Haitian of Domination" is gonna stick. Farooq seems to like it.

Prediction #3: Adewale Ojomo will make a name for himself at DE this year. Even with playing with guys like Tuck, Osi and JPP.

Prediction #4: Mark Herzlich will become a major player in the Giants defense this year. You will see why he would have been a first round pick if he didn't get sick.

Prediction #5: The Giants pass defense will struggle again this year. Terrel Thomas is missing his second straight year, the second corner (Amukamara) has only played in seven games and our nickle back (Hosley) is a rookie. Rolle will step in if need be.

Prediction #6: The running game will improve but not by much. The run blocking hasn't really improved since last year and Bradshaw will still get hurt somehow. Maybe he'll kick a night table in the middle of the night or step on a Lego, but no matter how it happens he'll miss two or three games. This gives way for David Wilson's prediction...

Prediction #7: David Wilson will run for over six hundred yards and seven touchdowns. This will include at least eight rushes over twenty yards. In other words I think he'll put up better numbers than Jacobs did last year. However, Wilson won't make headlines like Jacobs. 

Prediction #8: Ramses Barden will finally emerge as a reliable target for Eli Manning. He has been getting a lot of looks this preseason and has taken advantage of those opportunities. Now I'm not saying he's gonna be the best WR on the Giants, but he could very well end up with seven touchdowns and five hundred yards receiving.

Prediction #9: Rueben Randle will make a significant impact this year as a rookie.

Prediction #10: The replacement officials will cost the Giants an important game. This is just how it goes with them. I think that will finally push Coughlin over the deep end and he'll try to strangle an unofficial official.

Prediction #11: The Detroit Lions will win the Super Bowl in the 2014-2015 season. 

So what have I learned?

Nice prediction, dick.

I've learned that I haven't learned from my Detroit Lions mistake. I still make predictions that have very little information to back it up. Hopefully I did enough work this time to make some educated guesses, unlike in 2004 when I just banked on Joey Harrington actually being good.

Preseason Halfway Point

So the Giants are halfway through their preseason and you know what that means, knee-jerk reactions to two games where the starters only played a percentage of them. But I have to write about something right?

Reaction #1: The running game needs some work. After two meaningless games the Giants are ranked 21st in the league in rushing with an average of 92 yards a game. Bradshaw is still perfecting his Michael Vick impression by proving that he has problems staying healthy. And his backups, D.J. Ware and David Wilson, aren't proving they can pickup the slack by only averaging 3.2 and 1.4 yards a carry. I still have high hopes for Wilson, but I don't know if that's only because he's a first round pick and the Giants need him to work out. It's like having a reliable spare tire when your most effective tire is covered with adhesives and pieces of tape.

Save your strength, 44. You're gonna need it.

Reaction #2: Eli Manning and Victor Cruz look to be in mid-season form. Although I don't think he'll match the numbers he put up last year, Victor Cruz will still be a force to be reckoned with this season. I am very excited to see how the passing game will adjust when Hakeem Nicks comes back.

Reaction #3: The front four looks ridiculous. Tuck, Osi,  JPP, and the rest of the defense are already displaying their dominance as they already have thirteen sacks in two games. When they are firing on all cylinders, they rip through offensive lines like how a kid rips through Christmas wrapping paper.

Honestly, I'm too creeped out to say anything remotely clever about this.

Reaction #4: Those Quinton Coples arm brandings are the worst thing I've ever seen. I know he's not on the Giants and I should have zero concern about it but it is something that cannot be unseen and ignored. I also know it's common amongst the NFL players but it looks like he was branded by Muhammed Ali using a George Foreman Grill. Nicholas Cage agreeing to be in the Wicker Man (or Drive Angry, or Season of the Witch...) was a better decision than that branding.

"Look at this photograph, JPP threw us in a bath.."

Reaction #5: DO NOT UPLOAD LOCKER ROOM VIDEOS ON TWITTER:  If you've been a art of the Giants organization for any period of time you should know how your coach or how the the Mara family feels about stuff like that. Yes, hazing goes on in every locker room, and yes, it can be stupid and neanderthal-like, but it shouldn't be broadcasted for everyone to see. Also, it was potentially dangerous. We need all the help we can get in the secondary and it would be a kick in the groin if our nickle back got hurt by being thrown into an ice bath. Which reminds me, can JPP please throw Nickleback in an ice bath? Weatherford can put that on his Twitter page and everyone would understand why. 
What bothered me most was the backlash of the video. Skip Bayless says about the video, "I found the video extremely unsettling... this was ugly to watch. This was locker room bullying at it's worst." At least try to act like you've been around athletes your entire career. Whats next? Are you going to accuse Derek Jeter of taking Perfor-... wait. Oh he did? Nevermind then.
Please, Steve, I hope Coughlin giving you a verbal powerbomb will be enough to scare you straight. If it didn't just keep in mind that you are a punter. Feagles wouldn't have done it and neither should you.

So what have I learned? Not much of anything, actually. It's only halfway through preseason.



 

Preseason 2012

Sometimes watching preseason is like REDRUM.

Hello again, everybody! It's the most wonderful time of the year. Well, almost. We still have to watch training camp and preseason football games like an eight-year-old watching The Shining; through our fingers absolutely terrified about what terrible things we might see. I'm not talking about twin girls down a long hallway or the woman in room 237, I'm talking about ACL tears and other season ending injuries. Seeing T2 tear his ACL during a cornerback blitz in a preseason game last year and to have him re-injure the knee during camp was worse than an elevator opening and a river of blood poring out through the hallways.

Aside from being worried about players injuring themselves like a overbearing mother, there are plenty of things that I can focus on. Although it's hard to find stories on the Giants in a Jets-saturated market. I can't tell you with great confidence how everyone is feeling or who is impressive during camp. However, with great confidence I can tell you how many chest hairs Tim Tebow has. 107 if you were wondering.

In case you have been in a coma and missed this picture, here it is.

But the Giants relish in this sort of thing. They love flying in under the radar. Especially their two-time Superbowl MVP quarterback Eli Manning. In an ESPN interview Manning said, "I told David Carr to take his shirt off while we're running sprints after practice to see if we get the same coverage," He added, "I'm not jealous. I'm not looking for extra attention. I'm not looking to do more interviews than I have to or be on TV more than I have to."

So sifting through Jets stories I managed to find a few things that could be used here. For example, the Giants and their DE Osi Umenyiora have finally put their Real Housewives of East Rutherford drama aside and made a deal that makes everyone happy. And a happy Osi is a dangerous Osi for other teams.

Also the Giants have lost some well-known players like Brandon Jacobs, Mario Manningham, and Deon Grant. Not to mention the weaselly swoop of Jake Ballard by the Patriots. It's tough but that's just nature of the business. But I am curious about what Jacobs will say when he gets pissed off at the fans in San Fransisco. 

But there is a revolving door in football. Players leave and new players come in. Players like TE Martellus "Comes into camp 30 lbs overweight and calls himself a 'black unicorn'" Bennett, DT Shaun Rogers, and LB Keith Rivers are all wearing big blue. There are also the rookies to look forward to. First round pick David Wilson out of Virginia Tech who will be something that we haven't seen in a long time, an elusive, speedy running back. Also wide receiver Reuben Randle from LSU will fill in nicely with the rest of the receiving core. People are also expecting big things from TE Adrien Robinson.

"When your quarterback is crying, you have my permission to die."

But for the most part the core group of the Superbowl Champions are still together. The young linebacking core has gotten a year of experience under their belt. Players like Mark Herzlich, and Greg Jones will step up to add to the depth of this position.
The defensive line will continue wreak havoc for the quarterbacks this year. Not to mention Justin Tuck's new face mask. That Bane looking mask will cause nightmares for opponents. Literally.
Luckily,  Terrell Thomas won't miss this season and even worse the rest of his career. Nobody is sure when he'll be back but hopefully when he gets back he'll be ready to make an immediate impact. Until then the pressure is on Prince Amukamara and Corey Webster to make plays. What will help make their job easier will be the pressure from the Giants front four. 

The offensive line has changed a bit with losing Kareem McKenzie but the stronger players of the line from last year is still there.
The backfield has been modified a bit and it should be interesting to see the new dynamic of the running game.
The receiving core still has their top two guys in Hakeem Nicks who vows to be back by mid-August, and the explosive Victor Cruz.
The tight end position has changed quite a bit but they still have Coach Mike Pope that has coached up all the tight ends for the past couple of years, turning no-names into fan favorites. Oh yeah, Eli Manning is also back to defend his championship.

The face of an elite, two-time Super Bowl MVP.

So what have I learned? It seems that most people are already counting the Giants out. A lot of people are predicting either the Cowboys or the Eagles to win the division. But that's okay, the Giants play their best ball when they are disrespected and counted out. Even after coming off a Superbowl win, they were not satisfied with their nine wins. They are still out to prove something. 

Overall I know the Giants well enough to never count them out. But for now,  I'll still be like little Danny on his Big Wheel,  anticipating horrible things while only looking through the cracks of my fingers.