2012 Predictions

In 2004 I had a gutsy but ridiculous prediction. "The Detroit Lions will win the Super Bowl in 2006!" It was based on no facts, I couldn't begin to rationalize it, but I stuck to my guns about it. As you know now, I was so wrong. That 2006-2007 season the Lions finished 3-13.

"You will have the prettiest anus in the whole dog park!"

Now, after four games of half-played football the Giants are ready to begin defending their title on Wednesday against the Cowboys. And after those games I am ready to make some more gutsy and ill-informed for the 2012 season. I know that you probably care about my predictions like you care about Kim Kardashian's dog's bunghole getting bleached but here we go.

Prediction #1: Giants will have a 10-6 record. This will be good enough to sneak in the playoffs in a tough division. Six of these wins won't be decided in the 4th quarter.

Prediction #2: Jason Pierre-Paul will have twenty sacks this season. He had sixteen and a half sacks last year and he's only getting better. Think of Blanka from Street Fighter only with more electricity. This season he will earn the nickname of "Haitian of Domination".

"Haitian of Domination" is gonna stick. Farooq seems to like it.

Prediction #3: Adewale Ojomo will make a name for himself at DE this year. Even with playing with guys like Tuck, Osi and JPP.

Prediction #4: Mark Herzlich will become a major player in the Giants defense this year. You will see why he would have been a first round pick if he didn't get sick.

Prediction #5: The Giants pass defense will struggle again this year. Terrel Thomas is missing his second straight year, the second corner (Amukamara) has only played in seven games and our nickle back (Hosley) is a rookie. Rolle will step in if need be.

Prediction #6: The running game will improve but not by much. The run blocking hasn't really improved since last year and Bradshaw will still get hurt somehow. Maybe he'll kick a night table in the middle of the night or step on a Lego, but no matter how it happens he'll miss two or three games. This gives way for David Wilson's prediction...

Prediction #7: David Wilson will run for over six hundred yards and seven touchdowns. This will include at least eight rushes over twenty yards. In other words I think he'll put up better numbers than Jacobs did last year. However, Wilson won't make headlines like Jacobs. 

Prediction #8: Ramses Barden will finally emerge as a reliable target for Eli Manning. He has been getting a lot of looks this preseason and has taken advantage of those opportunities. Now I'm not saying he's gonna be the best WR on the Giants, but he could very well end up with seven touchdowns and five hundred yards receiving.

Prediction #9: Rueben Randle will make a significant impact this year as a rookie.

Prediction #10: The replacement officials will cost the Giants an important game. This is just how it goes with them. I think that will finally push Coughlin over the deep end and he'll try to strangle an unofficial official.

Prediction #11: The Detroit Lions will win the Super Bowl in the 2014-2015 season. 

So what have I learned?

Nice prediction, dick.

I've learned that I haven't learned from my Detroit Lions mistake. I still make predictions that have very little information to back it up. Hopefully I did enough work this time to make some educated guesses, unlike in 2004 when I just banked on Joey Harrington actually being good.