Week Fourteen 2015: Giants at Dolphins

Sorry about taking so long to post this. I've been in a Star Wars fog as thick as Chewbacca's hair for the past week.

The Giants took care of business against the Dolphins. They did exactly what they needed to do, and Eli was as impressive as ever.

But this week, they have a tough match up against the undefeated Panthers. I don't think the Panthers will go undefeated, but will the Giants be the one to give them their first loss? Maybe.
The Giants have always done well against undefeated teams. Patriots come to mind, Packers, even in 1998, the 5-8 Giants beat the 13-0 Broncos. They play to the level of the team they're playing.

This will be a tough one for Big Blue not just from a "Panthers are undefeated stand point", but from an X's and O's stand point. We all saw what Ryan Fitzpatrick was able to do against the Giants with his legs. Unfortunately for the Giants, Cam Newton makes Fitzmagic look as mobile as Jabba the Hutt. That is my biggest concern for this game.

Can the Giants do it? Can they dethrone the Panthers? It seems very unlikely, like shooting torpedoes in the 2 meter wide exhaust port on the Death Star, but it did happen. And even if they do use the force to blow up that space station, it'll only be the beginning. The Giants are still in playoff mode.

Oh, and see The Force Awakens. It's outstanding.  

Week Thirteen 2015: Giants vs Jets

Here's a terrible song to commemorate another terrible loss.
You don't even deserve a full write up of the game, Giants. You're Nickleback to me.

God help you if you don't win on Monday night. You might start seeing Scott Stapp in your nightmares. Get the picture?

Week Twelve 2015: Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

It’s me, Grant. I haven’t spoken to you in quite some time. I know you usually don’t get letters, or any type of correspondence from people in their thirties, but I’m desperate. No, I’m not asking for anything fancy. Not a PS4, an expensive watch, or even one of those cool BB-8 toys you can control with your phone.

You know what, I'd be fine with a BB-8, and/or a puppy this Christmas.

This year I just don’t want the Giants to implode.

They certainly didn’t do themselves any favors in that game against the Redskins. They had a chance to take a solid lead in the division with only five games left, but for some reason, they came out flatter than an Eli post game interview.

Merry Christmas, Rueben. You dummy.

Towards the end of the game, the offense started clicking. But by then the reindeer have already left stable. Which is horrible in your case, considering that they can fly.

The offense was dreadful for the most part. Eli had three picks, and one of them was in the endzone. Two of those picks, including that one in the endzone, weren’t really Penguin Boy’s fault. I’m not making excuses for the guy, he’s lucky that he didn’t throw six picks during that game. His first bounced off the hands of Vereen. His second bounced off the hands of Harris, but that was only when he tried to catch a ball that should’ve been intercepted cleanly in the first place. His third was to Rueben Randle. As you know, Santa, when you throw to good ol’ Ruebes, you run the risk of throwing a pick. This was the case where he ran a lazy route, and didn’t fight for the ball. He let the interception happen in the endzone. In fact, while you’re out delivering presents all over the world in a few weeks, maybe give Randle a DVD on how to play the position he gets paid to play.

The main problem the Giants’ offense was the big guys up front. They fared just as well as Frosty would on a Las Vegas summer day. Pugh, and Richburg didn’t play due to injuries, and Schwartz left the game early with a broken leg. So the effective Redskins defensive line ripped through Eli’s protection like wrapping paper. This caused many of the issues that Big Blue’s offense encountered.

The defense gave up a huge touchdown to DeSean Jackson, which I can’t stand, but for the most part played fine. They didn’t have a great second quarter, but they only gave up three points for the rest of the game. At the end of the game, though, the Giants defense let the Skins run all over them to lock up their victory.

You know, I don’t know why I feel the need to tell you this. You see everything. So let’s talk about what I want from you for Christmas.

I hope you got a few Giants' wins, as well as a few Redskins' losses in that sack.

The Giants put themselves in a tough spot, but because the rest of the division is in shambles, they still have a shot of finishing in first with a sub-par team. The Eagles stink more than your suit after your annual worldwide journey, and the Cowboys, well, you know some of them from being on your “naughty” list. The team they need to worry about the most, the Redskins, embarrassed them last week.

Their next game is against the New York Jets. This game has huge playoff implications for both teams. So their “rivalry” will have to take a back seat, even though it really can’t be a rivalry if your games occur as frequently as Presidential elections. This is also a better Jets team then they’ve had in the past. They traded up when they replaced Rex Ryan with Todd Bowles.

This isn’t the same Jets’ team from earlier this year, though. Their quarterback, the bearded Ryan Fitzpatrick goes back and fourth from being Fitzmagic to Fitztragic. Hopefully he’s less Harry Potter, and more Willie Loman this Sunday.

What scares me the most for this game is that the Jets’ defensive line will treat the Giants’ offensive line like Hamsterdam. Santa, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen The Wire, but Hamsterdam was an area in Baltimore where you were free to sell, and use drugs without police interference. So I’m worried the Jets’ defensive front will just have their way with Eli’s protection. Of course, I won’t be as worried if Pugh and Richburg are back this week.

One is Todd Bowles, the coach of the Jets. The other is Howard Colvin, the creator of Hamsterdam.

The Giants did catch a break this week with Darelle Revis missing this game. This will ensure that DRC’s cousin, Antonio Cromartie, will cover Odell which is a better match up for Beckham. It also thins out the Jets’ secondary, which gives room for Harris, Nicks, and (GULP!) Randle to shine.

So Santa, if you want to give me the best present since the Ghostbusters Firehouse playset, please let the Giants be relevant by the time you roll from house to house. I’ll be sure to leave out milk and cookies, but they are out of the playoff hunt, and I have to see Kirk Cousin clinch the division, I’m gonna bake those cookies with the strongest laxative I can find.

You better deliver like you did back in '86. If not, you will be forever known as Crap Kringle. Seriously, though, thanks for that Firehouse. I had a blast with it. 

Week Ten 2015: Giants vs Patriots

The Giants suffered a heart breaker of a loss at the hands of Bill Belichick, and his band of Thieves. Big Blue had a real shot of beating the undefeated Patriots, but because of bad clock management, and let’s face it, a controversial ruling, they let it slip through their hands.

"If I told you this was killing me would you stop?"

I’ll briefly discuss the controversial ruling on Beckham’s incomplete touchdown catch now just to get it out of the way. It looked like a touchdown to me, but apparently having two feet in the end zone with possession of the ball isn’t good enough. Now if that’s the rule, then that’s the rule, I guess. My biggest problem is that this hair-brained rule looks to change from instance to instance. It’s the inconsistency that really grinds my gears. But Malcolm Butler made a great play to break up the pass, and Odell said it best when he said, “You can’t leave it up to the officials to make the right call. You just gotta make the play itself.”

And that’s all I have to say about that.



About Last Week

This was certainly a bad loss for the G-Men, but there were a lot of positives to take away from the game. 

What Went Right

Eli had another terrific game, and as for their final possession, it looks like he learned his lesson against Dallas, as he took a dive to keep the clock running.

Dwayne Harris has become a good target for Eli. I don’t think anyone expected him to have as big of a role as he does, but he’s been a nice fill in for the injured Victor Cruz.

The pass rush actually made plays. They got three sacks. THREE! Plus, if you know anything about Tom Brady, you know that he hates getting hit more than he hates non-white pool covers. Seriously, Tommy Touchdown hates human contact more than Howard Hughes, so constant pressure, and hitting him was a big reason why this game was close.

What I wouldn't give to see Brinkley van surfing to his next game.

Jason Pierre-Paul doesn’t show up much on the stat sheet, but he was getting double teamed, which gave good match ups to the rest of the defensive line, or anyone else who wanted to get a piece of Brady. He also managed to get after Tommy, and make him uncomfortable.

Jasper Brinkley had another outstanding game. Right now it's like his inner Teen Wolf is unleashed, and just like the Beavers basketball team, it’s just what the Giants need on defense.

What Went Wrong

There really wasn’t all that much that went wrong for the Giants. They played a good game. Basically, there was that terrible punt coverage on Danny Amendola, the awful running game, and the defense let the Pat’s get into field goal range which lead to the Giants loss.

Really, the Giants lost again because of questionable play calling at the end of the game.
To an extent, I understand why they went pass heavy during that goal line offense. The Pats were stacking the defensive line, and since the Giants can’t even run through a sprinkler, passing the ball was probably their best option. But all that matters is that it didn’t work. It only seems to matter when it doesn’t work. That’s the line you tight rope on in the NFL. It’s only a bad idea if it doesn’t work. You are either gutsy, or a moron, it all depends on the result of the play in question.



On To The Next One Six

The Giants have six games left in the season. The rest of their schedule is as follows: Redskins, Jets, Dolphins, Panthers, Vikings, and Eagles.

Oh I'm sorry, Caped Crusader. Is it still too soon?

The two biggies are within in the division. If they don’t win those two games they'll probably need to win the rest, and hope beyond hope that the Redskins and the Eagles crumble. If they beat those two teams, they can probably get away with one more win of the remaining five, and top the division with eight wins. If you break it down that way, the playoffs seem very obtainable.
But the Giants have to win those two divisional games. It all rides on that. It would be like if Bruce Wayne’s parents never died. Without that happening, odds are that young Bruce would’ve never become the Dark Knight.




Big Blue News

The Giants lost Victor Cruz for the year. I can’t say I’ll miss him. It’s hard to miss a player that hasn’t played all year. However, I would’ve like to have seen him play this year. Looks like we’ll have to wait for the next season.

The addition of Hakeem Nicks makes sense for added receiver depth. He’s familiar with the team, familiar with Eli, and the receiver free agent pool isn’t even ankle deep. This is more of a depth signing, I doubt we’ll see him on the field anytime soon. Basically, to see him in the huddle, something needs to go terribly wrong for the receivers, or he needs to play like he got his huge mitts on the Super-Soldier Serum that did wonders for Steve Rodgers



In Conclusion...

This isn’t the first time the Giants almost soiled a perfect record. See: 2007 Patriots and 2011 Packers. Both of those games gave the Giants the confidence that they can hang with the best team in the league, and we all know how those seasons ended.
Now, I’m not trying to get ahead of myself. I don’t think this years Giants’ squad is as good as the previous teams I talked about, but I’m sure the confidence boost is the same.

Some people don’t believe in moral victories, but I do. Big Blue went toe to toe with one of the best teams in the league. For as much as that game felt like a Kano fatality, you have to feel confident knowing that they can play well enough to beat the Patriots. It’s a good thing to keep in mind during a playoff push.

It was far from a flawless victory, but the Patriots certainly ripped out the hearts of Big Blue fans everywhere.

Week Nine 2015: Giants at Buccaneers

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Week Eight 2015: Giants at Saints

The Giants lost a heart breaker in the Big Easy this past Sunday. The game was crazy.  In fact, it was too crazy, like Nicolas Cage in Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans crazy. In B.L.:P.O.C.N.O., for short, Cage plays a corrupt police Lieutenant who loves crack. He even has a lucky crack pipe.
It’s hard to lose games when you put forty-nine points on the board, but it’s nearly impossible to win a game when you give up fifty-two points.

Believe it or not, Cage depriving an elderly woman of oxygen while holding a gun to her caretaker's head isn't the craziest part of the movie.

Against the Cowboys, the Giants’ offense played terribly, and the game was won on the shoulders of special teams and the defense. Against the Saints, the defense was a certified dumpster fire, and the offense had to pick up the slack. Imagine if all three phases played well at the same time.



About Last Night

It’s pretty easy to point out what went right and what went wrong in New Orleans. Let’s just dive right into it. No gimmicks. 

What Went Right

The offense. Well, the pass offense. Eli Manning’s six touchdown performance was the best of his career, especially when you factor in that he threw no interceptions. I’m not gonna say this was the best game of his career, but it definitely belongs on a short list.
Unfortunately, for as great as he played, he didn't get the win. Just like eating at a Guy Fieri restaurant, it was very exciting at the time, but you're left with an awful taste in your mouth and a pain in your stomach.

"Try The Big Easy Po' Boy! It's a shrimp po' boy with kickin' Cajun sauce, bacon, avocado, vanilla frosting, shreds of fuzzy dice, and finally, it's sprayed down with Axe Body Spray for extra flavor! It's Mardi Gras in your mouth hole!"

What Went Wrong

The Saints’ offense could do anything against the Giants’ defense. I’d say it was like taking candy from a baby, but that analogy might not be accurate enough. Like taking candy from a sleeping baby? Is that better? Like beating a goldfish in a spelling contest?

Here’s a short list of things that are/were less of a disaster than the Giants’ defense:

-George Lucas being in control of everything while making the Star Wars prequels

-George Lucas being allowed to make the Special Editions for the original trilogy

-Nicolas Cage’s financial team

-Wesley Snipes’ financial team

-Prime Minister Chamberlain’s appeasement policy for Adolf Hitler

-Mayor Vaughn’s idea to keep the beaches open 4th of July weekend in Amity

Say what you will about Mayor Vaughn's character, but I'll be damned if that isn't the best blazer ever.

-The D-5 PeeWee hockey team before Gordon Bombay took over as coach

-EPA Agent Walter Peck shutting down the Ghostbusters’ containment unit

The Giants failed again at closing a game. The fact that they got the ball back with thirty-six seconds left to get the ball into field goal range, and ended up losing in regulation was a punch to the gut. I’d much rather see them lose the game in overtime.

I put Jerry Reese at the focal point of this loss. It was hard for the defense to play well when Prince Amukamara and Jon Beason were out because of injury, but main problem here is these guys are rarely healthy. Prince only has one full season under his belt, and Beason is pretty much getting paid to sit on the sidelines. 
You would think Jerry Reese would’ve sat back in the off-season and said to himself, “Since Prince and Beason are always hurt, we should get reliable backups so were not in deep trouble when (not 'if') they go down.”
It is because of this lack of preparedness that lead to Trevin Wade being picked on like a mathlete. 
When two defensive players go down, it shouldn’t result in the entire defense collapsing like a house of cards. 



On To The Next One

Coming up this Sunday, the Giants travel to Tampa Bay to face the Buccaneers.

This is a winnable game for the Giants, but the Bucs are better than expected. A lot of this game hinges on the Giants winning the turnover battle, but it’s not everything. Hell, they did that last week and still got the loss.

Behold... the power glove!

An aggressive pass rush might cause Captain Crab Legs to make some bad throws. This might be a problem considering the Giants pass rush can’t pressure any quarterback. BUT something might be different. This game might be the return of JPP. He might put on his pads, tighten his chinstrap, fasten that weird penguin glove, and get to work. I never thought Jason Penguin-Paul would be considered the avenger of this defense, but at this point, he’s Captain America.



A win against the Saints would've given the Giants five wins and three losses. At that point you’d be looking at the Giants alone in the NFC East drivers seat, looking forward to a winnable game and JPP coming back. It would’ve been looking good for Big Blue. Instead, they blew it and are still in the muck of this under achieving division. I'll be curious to see what happens when the Eagles and Cowboys face each other this week. Whoever loses that game will be the team that Giants probably won’t have to worry about for the rest of the season.

Week Seven 2015: Giants vs Cowboys

In a game where they didn’t have a lot going for them, the Giants somehow got out of there with a victory. They played well enough just to win, but even wins as ugly as Freddy Kruger still count the same in the standings. I’ll take an ugly win over a beautiful loss any week.



About Last Week

To get in the Halloween spirit, let’s talk about the good and bad with one of the best horror movies ever made, and it’s terrible, inexcusable sequel.

An American Werewolf in London

This horror classic was the perfect mix of horror, suspense, humor, gore, and groundbreaking special effects. Plus, the werewolf looked terrifying. This will movie will hold up long after Odell Beckham Jr. retires, and if you haven’t seen it, stop whatever you’re doing and watch it. Seriously, close out this page, and check it out.

They really don't make 'em like they used to.

Okay, now that you’ve seen it... THAT WAS SO GOOD RIGHT? David and Jack being stalked out in the fields, David’s transformation, the attack in the London Underground, the adult theater scene? Amazing, right? I know. You’re welcome.

Ok back to the Giant’s fortunate win over the Cowboys.

Orleans Darkwa, who I will now call Voodoo Child, became an effective running back when the other running backs couldn’t get the job done.

DRC was the star of the game with two picks, one of which was a pick six.

Special teams was as vital to the Giants win as a boomstick is for Ash when he fights the Deadites. Not only was Dwayne Harris’ touchdown return the game winner, but the muffed punt by Beasley that was cleanly recovered by Myles White was the final steak in Dracula’s heart.

Also they won the turnover battle, and they capitalized on the mistakes made by the Cowboys.

An American Werewolf in Paris

This werewolf dingle berry of a movie was a poor attempt at a money grab. It was an awful mix of flat jokes, bad acting, awful visual effects, a terrible plot, and bungee jumping off of the Eiffel Tower. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor, and don't. If you have seen it, try to find way to erase it from your memory.

Seriously, Tom Everett Scott's agent should've called this movie "That Thing You Shouldn't Do".

The offense didn’t play well at all. For most of the game they performed with the ineffectiveness of daybreak vampires.

The offensive line had trouble protecting Eli. Greg Hardy, who is a real life monster, had one of the two sacks on Eli. This was the same problem they ran into against the Eagles. It’s hard to get your offense going when you can’t establish any rhythm at all.

The running game, as always, struggled. Well, except for Voodoo Child.

A less than 100% Odell Beckham didn’t get much attention, especially in the second half.

Eli struggled again in his second straight game, and it just so happens they were both divisional opponents. But for as badly as he played, he didn’t turn the ball over.

Cheer up Eli. You may not be playing that great right now, but you'll be sure to win "Best Costume" at this year's Halloween Parade.

The pass rush was a more useful this week than others. That really isn’t saying much considering their pass rush is about as useful as having Frankenstein’s monster as a math tutor. Even though the pressure used was somewhat effective, it wasn’t like it dominated the game.

The Giants run defense got absolutely embarrassed against the Cowboys. Honestly, I don’t know why the Cowboys even passed the ball, because that wasn’t exactly setting the world on fire. I know that Dallas has one of the best offensive lines, but this has been happening for a few weeks. It seems that when Prince went down, he took the rush defense with him. Is it because now they need extra help in the secondary, so they aren’t using as many players up front to defend the run? Whatever the issue is, it needs to get resolved soon, because they are getting shredded up like a werewolf victim.

Seriously, how good is An American Werewolf in London? Look at this makeup!

On to the next one

The Giants are traveling down to New Orleans to face the Saints on Sunday.
To be honest, I’d feel much better about this game if it was at Metlife. Hell, I’d feel better if it was held at a neutral site somewhere in Nebraska. The Saints are so much better at home, plus you don’t know what kind of voodoo will be performed on the Giants this Halloween weekend.

The Giants need to find a way to slow down the running attack. A less effective running game will neutralize Drew Brees’ play action passes that he loves so much.

Just like the last couple of weeks, the offensive line needs to give Eli time, and the team needs to win the turnover battle.

But in addition to that, the Giants will have to put up a lot of points. The good news there is that this is one of the worst defenses they’ve faced so far this season. The offense desperately needs to get back on track, and this might be the week where everything clicks.



Big Blue’s Big News

The Giants and Jason Pierre-Paul have come to terms on a one year, incentive laden deal. This is a very encouraging turn of events. The team feels that he’ll be ready to perform at a pro level, and JPP now has something to prove. He’s come back in great shape, and with a great attitude.
I’m hoping when he suits up, he’ll become the NFL version of Jason Voorhees. Big, strong, quiet, determined, relentless, and deformed. I hope he gets after quarterbacks as if they were horny camp counselors.



The win against Dallas, as important as it was, didn’t really ease my worries about the team. However, the next two games are against the Saints and the Bucs. They are both winnable games. If they can get their team to look like a complete team, and get two more wins before the New England game, I’d be much less worried about the future of the season.

Look, if these twelve year olds can stop Dracula from taking over the world, the Giants can win the NFC East. They don't need a virgin reading German to do it, either.

Week Six 2015: Giants at Eagles

The Giants got their asses handed to them on Monday night. There’s no other way to put it. They got embarrassed.

Thank God, the new trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens debuted at halftime, and thank God it looks amazing. If I didn’t see it and get doused by a wave of nerd excitement, I’d probably go to bed that night angry and miserable. So if it weren’t for Han and Chewie, or Finn about to engage Kylo Ren in a light saber duel, I’d probably rip the G-Men a new one.

It's amazing how something like this can soften the blow of the Giants' dumpster fire of a game.

About Last Night

Well there really isn’t much to talk about here. Outside of the Episode VII trailer, the night was a real let down. But nonetheless, let’s talk about the good and the bad of this debacle. Obviously, there’s only way to break it down...

The Jedi

Their first offensive drive was downright surgical.

Later in the game when the Giants’ offense needed to get fired up, rookie Ereck Flowers stepped up, and gave the offense an impassioned talking to. I mean, ultimately it didn’t work, but I really like to see the young lineman assuming a leadership role.

Is that it? I guess their defense played okay? They got a few interceptions off of Bradford, but that’s about as impressive as Yoda using the force to juggle oranges.

The dude lifted an X-Wing out of a swamp. Who cares about some damn produce?

The Sith

Let’s list the awful plays that changed the shape of this game

-Larry Donnell’s fumble. (I don’t think it should be considered an interception)

-Weekly Coughlin doghouse resident, Damontre Moore’s egregious roughing the passer penalty that extended the Eagles’ drive. The Eagles ended up scoring a touchdown on that drive.

-The poorly executed 4th and 1 play.

-Eli’s interception that was taken to the crib.

-A ton of other plays in the second half that were fit for a blooper reel.

I dunno if Eli is surrendering, or if he and Chewbacca are having a Right Said Fred dance off.

Let’s also mention that out of their five possessions, three of them went three an out.
By the second half, the defense kept on giving the offense opportunities to make some magic happen, but the offense couldn’t do anything. After a while, the defense was beyond gassed and quickly unraveled.



In short, it was a game that stunk worse than the bowels of a sarlacc pit. It was bound to happen eventually. Even their losses before this were well played for the most part. Monday night, just wasn’t their night. It’s just really unfortunate that this blunder of an evening came against the Eagles. Divisional wins are so valuable, and the G-Men blew that opportunity.



On to the next one

Coming up next week are the Dallas Cowboys. This game carries a lot of weight in terms of the NFC East standings.

It's a cumbersome nickname, I know. But, hey, if the shoe fits...

Luckily, the Cowboys will still be without Romo, and despite the rumors, I don’t think Dez will play. Even if he does suit up, he will be used more as a decoy than anything. However, Greg “I paid off my girlfriend so she won’t testify against me for when I choked her on top of my guns” Hardy is back in action.

The keys to victory are the same as every week. The offensive line needs to protect Eli and create running lanes for the running backs, the defensive line needs to get after Matt Cassel, and they have to win the turnover battle. If those three things happen, the Giants should send the Cowboys home with another loss.

Again, just like the Eagles match up, I honestly don’t know what to expect for this game. But, I don’t expect the Giants to put together such an embarrassing performance this week.



I don’t think the loss against the Eagles is indicative of where the Giants’ season is going. It was just a bad game, and the Giants always have them. So I’m not going to panic. If they come out on Sunday, and beat the Cowboys, everyone will forget about the Monday night beat down. BUT if they lose to Dallas again, I’ll be the first one to say “I have a bad feeling about this.”.

This will be me on Sunday night if the Giants lose to the Cowboys.

Week Five 2015: Giants vs 49ers

On Sunday night, the Giants found themselves in a game that was way closer than expected. Sometimes games are way closer than they should be. After all, this is the NFL, every team is good enough to suit up every Sunday, even the bad ones. But, it’s the good teams that find a way to win those games.

They needed a game like this. They needed a come from behind win. It builds character. The Giants showed that they had the grit and the guts to win a game in the final seconds. Even against teams like the 49ers, it’s still a good way to win.



About Last Week


There are a lot of things that went right for Big Blue, but it wouldn’t be a true Giants game if they didn’t make you want to rip your hair out a few times.
Since they played against the team from the bay area, I’m going to use two classic movies that use San Fransisco as their setting to talk about what worked and what didn’t work. So why don’t we cut the chit-chat... a-hole?!

The Rock

Eli delivered a clutch, NFC Offensive Player of the Week performance against the 49ers. In addition to cultivating a game winning touchdown drive, he completed 76 percent of his passes for 441 yards and 3 touchdowns, one of the touchdowns was thrown while being dragged down by his jersey.

Have you ever seen a toddler collide with running Golden Retriever?

But there were blemishes, of course. Of his few incomplete passes, there was that awful interception that he had no business throwing, and two more that were close to being picked off. Let’s not forget him scrambling for a first down and then bouncing off a defensive lineman like he ran into a force field.
But somehow, with all of the ill-advised throws he makes, most things seem to work out alright for him in a Captain Jack Sparrow kind of way.

Shane Vereen continues to look like the best free agent acquisition. He’s being used in the most perfect way for this offense. Now with a banged up receiver unit, he’s going to be the safety valve used by Eli.

This game was a show of guts, and grit from a few different people.
With the game on the line, Eli Manning took the field with Shane Vereen and a few receivers who didn’t see any playing time all year. In fact, Myles White was on the practice squad a week ago. Plus halfway through the drive Pugh limped off the field, too.   
After relying on Vereen to make plays on the drive, the Giants got close to red zone, or the “green zone” as Coughlin and company call it. Then Odell Beckham Jr. ran onto the field. Playing through a hammie injury that he got earlier in the game, he was able to get a crucial pass interference penalty that set up the Giants’ game winning score. Even if he was used more like a decoy, he was still instrumental part of the winning drive. Judging by his emotional post-game interview on the field, you can tell how much he cares about the team.  Either that or he was devastated because he injured his hamstring again.
Larry, Tha Don, Donnell also wanted to get into the mix of late game heroics and he makes an incredible catch, and somehow holds onto the ball to complete the catch while falling on his ass. After that he was all smiles, which shows off the beautiful work of his orthodontist.
Fun fact: This was Eli Manning’s 27th 4th quarter comeback. That’s the most in the league since 2004.

Eli Manning's late game heroics is right on par with Stanley Goodspeed's heroics. 

X-Men: The Last Stand

I’m not sure what happened on Sunday night, but at times the 49ers defense looked unstoppable. Was it the 9ers offense finally clicking, or was it the defense taking a step back. I understand that they were missing Ayers, Kennard, and Selvin to begin with. Plus, Jon Beason got a concussion on the first drive so he was out the entire game. So it’s understandable that the Giants defense was as disappointing. Not as disappointing as killing off Cyclops, or Professor X, but as disappointing as the way they used Angel. 

Watching different Giants go down with injuries last Sunday night was like watching Bret Ratner ruining a movie franchise so badly, that they made a movie 8 years later that basically erased that movie from existence.
Jon Beason, Odell Beckham Jr, Rueben Randle, Justin Pugh and Prince Amukamara are all important players for the Giants that got hurt against the 49ers. Amukamara suffering the worst injury of the group with an injured pectoral muscle. He’ll miss 2-4 weeks.



On to the next one

E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!

This Monday night, the Giants go down to Philadelphia to square off against the Eagles, the Florida of the NFC East. The last time the Giants played in Philly, the circumstances were very similar. The Giants were 3-2, coming off of a 3 game winning streak, and playing the Eagles in a prime time game. Let’s just say the results weren’t ideal. The offensive line got manhandled, Victor Cruz went down with a knee injury, and the Giants got completely spanked in front of a national audience.

Hopefully the results of this game are different, but I gotta be honest, I don’t feel that great about it. The fact that the G-Men are going into Philly as banged up as they are is a justified cause for concern.
Also, it’s hard to gauge what the Eagles can do on any given week. Sometimes they make Chip Kelly look like a genius, other times they make him look like a delusional egomaniac who would rather lose his way than win by changing his style.
The key to the game is ball control. The Giants’ best shot of winning this game is to win the turnover battle. This means a lot of short, high percentage plays from the offense.
“Crazy Eyes” Sam Bradford will make mistakes, the Giants defense needs to capitalize on those mistakes and take the crowd out of the game. The defense also needs to take control of the Eagles’ running backs catching passes, those plays have been killers for the Giants, and that’s something that the Eagles do very well.

People can talk about what they expect to happen on Monday night all week, but it doesn’t mean anything. These NFC East matches are anything but predictable. The only thing you can count on for Monday night is Jon Gruden saying something ridiculous, and acting like it was the best thing ever said by anyone at anytime... ever.

Gruden either made an excellent point, or he went poopie in his pants. I can't tell anymore.

Week Four 2015: Giants at Buffalo

The Giants have won two games in a row. Not only that, but this game against the Bills can actually be categorized as a “good win”. They played a tough team in front of their fervent fans and went home with a two touchdown win. I’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t a perfect game by any stretch of the imagination. There were times during this game when I had a sinking feeling in my stomach, like when you get a “I need to talk to you” text from your mom. Luckily, like those texts, there was no reason to stress. The Giants won big, and your mom just wanted to tell you she saw your old Earth Science teacher at Applebee’s, and she needed to talk to you because she forgot his name.

This win has given the Giants some swagger. They came into Buffalo as underdogs, but they left with a win. The team's confidence must be off the charts, but they can't afford to be too confident. They gotta keep up this intensity if they want to stay at the top of the NFC East.

I hope the Giants don't go "Full Boyle" and ruin their season.

 About Last Week

Since this game happened in Buffalo, let’s talk about what went right and what went wrong using a Buffalo staple as the evaluator...

Hot Wings

The defense played out of their minds on Sunday. They aren’t loaded with playmakers, but they are playing at a real high caliber. They are swarming the ball, tackling soundly, taking advantage of the opposition’s mistakes, and making plays happen. When Prince Amukamara pried the ball from Robert Woods’ hands to force a fumble, he was literally a playmaker. But it’s not just the Fresh Prince that’s stepping up. Players like Devon Kennard, Unai ‘Unga, J.T. Thomas, Jonathan Casillas, and (especially) Kerry Wynn have made a huge impact on this defense. They may not be the most talented defense in terms of personnel, but they are definitely one of the hardest working, and that’s what makes them successful.

Now that I'm seeing it, it's pretty sexy.

Eli Manning, despite throwing his first pick in four games, had an efficient game. It was the John Stockton of games. It’s not sexy, but it got the job done. He also did a good job neutralizing Buffalo’s pass rush by getting rid of the ball quickly. Buffalo Bills' writer for ESPN, Mike Rodak, said that the Giants averaged 1.79 seconds from snap to pass. That was the quickest in week 4. This prevented the Bills' defensive line from being the dominant force that they usually are.
Also, Eli is continuing to spread the ball around. He completed passes to five different receivers.

The Giants rushing attack even got close to a hundred rushing yards. So there’s that. But in addition to that, Rashad Jennings made the play of the game with his one yard screen pass that was turned into a fifty-one yard touchdown due to Jennings’ sheer will.
I know it’s early in the season, and maybe I’m fanboying too much, but we might look back at Rashad Jennings' “never say die” touchdown as the play that breathed life into this season.

What I was very impressed with, was how tight of a game the Giants played. They let the Bills make all of the mistakes, and they made sure they capitalized on them. I know it’s not shocking to learn that a Rex Ryan team leads the league in personal fouls, but 17 penalties for 134 yards is way more than anyone would’ve guessed.
The Giants, for the most part, kept their composure, played smart, and forced the Bills to lose their cool on several occasions. When I say “for the most part,” I’m of course talking about the Odell Beckham Jr punch. It was immature, stupid, and he should be better than that. I’m sure Coach Coughlin had a few things to say to him about it.
But I don’t think Beckham looks as bad as the players on the Bills who are tattling to anyone who will hear them that ODB threw punches. You want to be the bullies of the NFL, the intimidators, but when someone throws a fist at you, the first thing you do is cry about it? That’s about as fitting as Liam Neeson narrating a Curious George audio book.

This book is called "Curious George Stops an Albanian Prostitution Ring"

Cold Wings

There isn’t much I can say that the Giants did wrong during this game. But I can say a few things...

The Giants gave up another big game to another tight end. Charles Clay racked up 111 yards and he would’ve had a touchdown too, if it weren’t for a questionable chop block penalty on Richie Incognito.

The Giants defense also gave up a good amount of yards in the air. Right now, they currently rank dead last in pass yards allowed per game.

The G-Men gave the Bruce Willis Wheel of Movies another spin against Buffalo, and this time they landed on A Good Day To Die Hard... gross.
With just under four minutes left in the game and the Giants leading by fourteen points, Big Blue decided to go for the jugular to end Buffalo for good. However, their plan backfired and Eli threw his first pick of the year. (I’ll give you one guess to figure out who the pass was intended
for.)
Remember, this was the drive after the Fresh Prince's forced fumble, so I understand the Giants wanting to be aggressive and completely break Buffalo’s spirit, Bane style. But remember the words of Mr. Keating, “There is a time for daring and a time for caution, and a wise man understands what’s called for.”
Maybe they’ll just run the clock out next time.



On to the next one

This Sunday, the Giants are hosting the San Fransisco 49ers, who aren’t very good this season so far.

A lot of people think that this should be a win for the G-Men. It has all the ingredients for it. A west coast team traveling all the way to the east coast, a struggling quarterback, and a defense past their prime. But perhaps the biggest reason to be optimistic about the game is that 49ers running back, Carlos Hyde, is their best offensive weapon, and he’s facing the best run defense in the league. This week we’ll also see an offense similar to last week’s. Lots of quick, safe passes that’ll keep the 9ers pass rush at bay. 

So if the Giants contain Hyde, force Kaepernick to make mistakes, and protect the ball on offense, they should have another win by Monday morning. Basically, it’s the same game plan as last week, only the names and locations have been changed.

Maybe it’s just Giants fan conditioning on my part, but these games make me nervous. The games that should be a slam dunk for Big Blue will sometimes be like blue balls in your heart. With everyone talking about how bad Kap is playing, I get nervous thinking that his coaches will just say “Fudge it! Let him do what he does best!” and then Kap will do what he does best. All over the Giants.

Then again, maybe I’m just being unreasonably pessimistic.  

Vince Vaughn still lies awake at night because of that blue balls line, and other eye-rolling dialogue he had to recite.

Week Three 2015: Giants vs Redskins

The Giants really have difficulty finishing. Their first two losses were a direct result of Big Blue making mistakes, or not making plays to help protect their lead. With a nineteen point lead in the fourth quarter, they still had trouble closing the door on the Redskins, and when that door was closed, they had to hold it shut for dear life like there were hordes of zombies trying to break in. Even when they do finish with a win, it isn’t pretty.
The Giants are the Jamaican Bobsled team of the NFL.

"You see Eli? Well let me tell you what I see. I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother, who don't take no crap of nobody!"

We’re gonna crash into this game headfirst just like that lovable, determined, and ultimately inspirational Olympic squad. Let’s talk about what went right and what went wrong for the Giants.

What Went Right

Eli Manning looked great. Thursday was his third game without an interception, although he did come close on one play. His passing percentage was at seventy percent, for two hundred and seventy-nine yards, and two touchdowns.

The pass protection was also on point. Eli didn’t get sacked once this game.

The receivers looked good. It was nice to see Eli have a good night without having to put all of his eggs in the Odell Basket Jr. True, Rueben’s touchdown was somewhat lucky, but he was involved early and often in this game. That’s what you have to do or else Rueben checks out and becomes as useless as Scotch Tape on a torpedoed submarine.

Big Blue’s rushing defense was really effective against the Redskins’ running attack. They only gave up eighty-four rushing yards on Thursday. The Skins had one hundred and eighty-two yards against St. Louis, and one hundred and sixty-one against Miami.

New punter, Brad Wing, looked great. But that’s no surprise.

Using a starting running back to block a punt is something out of a fictional football movie.  I’m looking at you, Varsity Blues. However, it worked out beautifully when Rashad Jennings blocked the Redskins’ punt on their first drive, which resulted in a safety. This set the tone for the entire game.

Oh, and they didn’t blow a fourth quarter lead. That went right.

What Went Wrong

The Giants’ rushing attack was unleashed with the raw force of a sleeping duckling. I know it was a tough match up, but their running game wasn’t all that great in the previous two games.

Covering tight ends is going to be a real problem for the G-Men. Witten had a day against them (but he always does), and Washington’s tight end, Jordan Reed, nearly had one hundred receiving yards.

The problems with guarding tight ends are mirrored by the ineffectiveness of the Giants’ tight ends. There are flashes of brilliance between Larry Donnell and Daniel Fells, but they are often outweighed by irreconcilable drops and head scratching decisions that’ll make your scalp bleed.

Seriously, Donnell, why are you jumping all the time?

Despite the good plays by Jennings and Wing, special teams was a disaster at times.
In the fourth quarter, while Washington was trying to comeback, the ‘Skins tried an onside kick. This ball, which was screaming out of bounds, hit off of Rueben Randle’s stupid foot. Luckily for him, Shane Vereen was able to get a handle on the ball.
But good ol’ Rueben redeemed himself with that crazy touchdown, and everyone thought that was the nail in the coffin. Not so fast though, because the following kickoff to the Redskins was taken all the way to the house.
After, that Rueben almost botched another onside kick, but luckily for him (again) it went through his hands, and out of bounds.
So the hands team is looking great!

Sometimes I wonder what the Giants’ coaches are thinking. First, Coughlin tries to challenge a Redskins’ touchdown that was already reviewed. It turns out that you can’t do that, even if you disagree with the ruling. The Giants were then forced to use a timeout there, and Coughlin’s confused/angry face got even more confused and more angry.
With an eleven point lead, and with three and a half minutes left, the Giants decide to throw it on third down instead of run the ball. Now, it’s hard to criticize because it resulted in a touchdown, but that’s one hell of a gamble. Like spinning the wheel of Bruce Willis movies. What will it be? Die Hard? Pulp Fiction? RED 2?!?! Dammit!!

When you spin the Willis Wheel, sometimes you get John McClane, sometimes you get Frank Moses.

The Giants got the ball back again. This time, with the same lead, and now with only two minutes left, Big Blue decides to throw it up again. The pass is incomplete and the clock stops. You’d think a veteran coaching staff would know better, or at least learn from their mistakes, but... nope.

I said earlier that they didn’t blow a fourth quarter lead, but they did get outscored fifteen to fourteen in the fourth quarter. That’s not great.



I know I sound ungrateful. I’m not. I’m thrilled that they won. It was a much needed win. The Giants were in control the whole way, even though they didn’t finish as strong as I would’ve liked. But the goal is to win, and that’s exactly what they did. I’m just a bit concerned that their mistakes will bite them in the ass when they play better teams. Hell, these mistakes did bite them in the ass against Dallas and Atlanta.

Also, this “bend but don’t break” defense might work against quarterbacks like Kirk Cousins, but it won’t work against quarterbacks like Romo or Ryan.
At some points of the game, Captain Kirk looked like the current, more badass, Chris Pine version of Kirk. Luckily for the Giants, for most of the game he looked like the Kirk from the sixties TV show. The cheesy, awkwardly choreographed, low-rent version of what an NFL quarterback should look like.

...nailed it...

But with all that said, they got their first win. It puts them in the mix in this blitzkrieg’d division. Also, with some extra time between games, they have a few extra days for their ailing players to get healthier. Well, except for Victor Cruz;  he re-aggravated his calf injury. But hey, at least his knee is doing better...

On to the next one

Big Blue has a tough match up this week against the Buffalo Bills. Even though this game will be a battle, the Giants can leave Orchard Park with a win.

This will be gut check time for the offensive line. They’ve been good as pass protection so far this year.  Let’s see if they can keep Eli relatively clean on Sunday. I don’t have high hopes for their run blocking, though, the offensive line never really opened holes for the running backs to begin with, and I don’t think it starts against Buffalo.

I think the best thing the G-Men can do on offense is throw to Shane Vereen early and often. It’ll relieve pressure on Eli and the running game. Plus, it’ll open up the secondary for Odell and Rueben.

On defense, they need to contain Tyrod Taylor. I’m willing to put money on Taylor leading the Bills in rushing by twenty yards on Sunday. The Giants have been really good against the run, but I think a scrambling quarterback can be a problem.
Hopefully, if the secondary can keep Buffalo’s receivers in check, the pass rush can fluster the quarterback. If he’s kept in the pocket, he will be compromised.



Last week, the Giants took care of business when they absolutely needed to. The first win is a very important one. The pressure to get their first win is off their shoulders. The monkey is off their collective back. Let’s hope that within the Giants organization, this winning mentality becomes as contagious as yawning. If they build on this win, they can really make a play to get some steady footing in the NFC East.

An Open Letter to the New York Giants

Dear the New York Giants,

What is going on with you guys? You are off to a historically bad start. I should actually congratulate you... you are the first team in the history of the NFL to lose two games while having a ten point lead in the fourth quarter. It takes a special brand of stink to achieve that milestone. Looking at the past, though, I shouldn’t be surprised about this awful start.
Do you know the Facebook feature where you can look at posts from a certain date from years past? Well, using that feature, I see nothing but me expressing my misery about watching the Giants’ terrible starts from years past. It’s like the Groundhog Day of being disappointed by your favorite team.


What are the causes of these two losses? I say “causes”, because in order to have two meltdowns like this you have to stink more than the inside of a tauntaun. Here are some of the things that I find to be responsible for your terrible losses.

It makes for a great sleeping bag on a cold night on Hoth, but boy does it smell!

Lack of a pass rush
Granted, the pass rush looked much better against the Falcons. Ayers looked especially good. Even though it looked better, it was still very lackluster. There is nobody on your front seven that scares anybody. Your best defensive lineman isn’t even on your team right now. He’s in Florida, carefully taking Instagram pictures where you can’t see his mangled tree of a hand.

Defense can’t play big in big spots
This happened last week, too. When the defense needed to make big spots to keep your lead intact, they fell apart faster than a house of cards during a hurricane.

Zero running game
You know your team is in trouble when the quarterback has the second most rushing yards when you have three rotating running backs. It’s not like were talking about Cam Newton, or Mike Vick circa 2006. We’re talking about Eli “quicksand” Manning here.
Against the Cowboys, your running game looked better, but it’s nothing to hang your hat on. Especially when your running back is told NOT to score. We’ll touch on that one in a bit.

Dropsies
Other than Odell Beckham, the receivers aren’t reliable at all. Counting on them to make catches in big spots is like relying on a subtle acting performance from Nicolas Cage. Preston Parker was the biggest offender of this. After starting off the season with back-to-back games with big drops, you guys decided to cut him. Now, some people think that if Parker was cut, this would alleviate most, if not all, of your woes. I know better, but it does send a message to your team, and your fan base, that you are taking this season seriously. Preston Parker was used as a scapegoat of your team. Don’t get me wrong, he deserved to get cut. Not only was he a scapegoat, but his hands were like goat hooves, as in everything bounced off of them. Come to think of it, he kind of resembles a goat, too.

If a goat was turning into a human, but the spell was stopped at like 97% completion.

Mental mistakes
The biggest issue that you guys have is the lack of overall game awareness. Sometimes, it’s Landon Collins not touching a player when he’s on the ground, or missing Jason Witten when he goes in motion. Other times, it’s Eli Manning scrambling in the red zone, not seeing a wide open Beckham in the end zone, only to get stripped sacked. Or it’s your coaches choosing to pass the ball when you can simply run the clock out, or it’s Eli Manning snapping the ball when he could’ve milked the clock more. Or it’s generally Eli having the same concept of time and clocks as a Beagle does.

Here's Eli (far right), too busy running for his life to see the wide open Beckham.

Now, I understand that all teams make mental errors. The difference with your crew is that you aren’t talented enough to overcome those errors. Some people say that if those mistakes weren’t made, you would have two wins. But my point is that good teams don’t make mistakes that big, at that time in the game. Even if they do, they can overcome them to win the game.


This Thursday, you have another NFC East match up against the Washington Redskins. It’s only September, but this is a must win for you guys. Going winless in the first three games is not an option. However, you caught a huge break this season. The Cowboys are so banged up that they are looking to Matt Cassell as their savior, the Chip Kelly experiment looks like it hit a wall, and the Redskins are the Redskins.

Hopefully soon, some of the injured players will be coming back. Cruz is out this week, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility to see him in week four. Jon Beason, the leader of the defense, is now probable for Thursday’s matchup. I’d like to see how the defense responds to him calling the shots.

Even though your team played like hot garbage in the first two weeks, you can still win this division. You can do this. Your team used to be known, not all that long ago, to excel in the face of adversity. Your team, your players, need to find that spirit that propelled them to greatness, harness it, and make a run to the playoffs.

In other words, get your shit together.

Sincerely,

Frustrated (yet hopeful) in New York