Week 1: Giants at Cowboys

Well the Giants opened up the season in frustrating fashion with a six turnover loss to the Cowboys in Jerry World. The Giants were sloppy, like a white girl on her 21st birthday. They were a team full of sash wearing, stumbling, loud, drunk girls trying to find their way to the dance floor without spilling their drinks.

The Giants were playing like they were white girl wasted last Sunday.

1st Quarter:
The game started off strong as Eli Manning threw a perfect strike to Demarcus Ware, the Cowboys Hulk-like defensive lineman. I guess just because Mark Sanchez isn’t playing doesn’t mean you won’t be able to see any “Dirty” Sanchez passes.
Despite starting the drive in the endzone, the Cowboys were held to a field goal by the Giants defense.

"Aww what the heck you guys?!"

On the Giants next offensive drive, Eli connected to Hicks for a big yardage catch and run. They had a good drive going. That is until David Wilson reminded us all why he was in Coughlin’s dog house last year as he fumbled the ball.
On the Giants next drive after a Dallas punt, Eli is picked off by what seemed to be a mix up between him and Rueben Randle. Cue the Eli face.
The Cowboys were driving following that Giants turnover, but it was ended abruptly by a interception from Stevie Brown’s replacement Ryan Mundy. He returned the ball all the way to the one yard line. Seriously? He couldn’t make it the last three feet without being tackled?
Then the offense put on a stellar display of redzone scoring as they can’t get a touchdown from the ONE YARD LINE. They settle for three.
Score: Giants 3-Cowboys 3

2nd Quarter:
The Cowboys responded with a long, fourteen play, seven minute drive. Luckily, the drive stalled and they had to settle for another field goal.
After a short drive, the Giants punt the ball back to the Cowboys.
On Dallas’ next drive, Romo connects with Jason Witten for a touchdown.
Following the Cowboys touchdown, Eli connected with Cruz for a seventy yard touchdown. Those big plays make it easier to swallow their lack of a redzone offense.
After that touchdown, nothing offensively happened. But Romo got sandwiched by Kiwanuka and Trattou. This meant that the one and only Kyle Orton was behind center for the Cowboys until further notice.
Score Giants 10-Cowboys 13

What was more awkward? This or the Katherine Webb commentary?

3rd Quarter:
To start off the second half, the Cowboys go three and out.
Then David “Dog House” Wilson does something unpredictable and coughs up the ball again! The ball is scooped up by Cowboys’ safety Barry Church and is taken to the house. Cue the Eminem talking to Brent Musburger face.


After the Giants get the ball back, Dog House was sitting on the sidelines. The Giants quickly punt it away to the Cowboys.
The Cowboys' drive stalls and they punt it away. However, Trumaine McBride muffed the punt and the ball was recovered by the Cowboys. As I said before, white-girl-wasted sloppy.
Romo didn’t waste this gift from the Giants as he tossed another touchdown to Witten.
The Giants responded with an eight play posession. Eli connected to Cruz for an eighteen yard touchdown.
Score: Giants 17-Cowboys 27

Fourth Quarter:
The Cowboys started the fourth quarter with a successful field goal.
Eli started to warm up a bit during this drive. He competes six of seven passes including a ten yard pass to Cruz for a touchdown.
After an exchange of punts, the Giants get the ball again. At the start of this possession, there is 2:41 left in the game and the Giants are only down by six. It’s Eli time... or so I thought. Eli throws a short pass to Da’rel Scott, Wilson’s backup, and Scott can’t handle it. The ball bounces off his hands and is picked off by the Cowboys’ Brandon Carr, who took it to the house. Cue the Dawson Leery crying face.

This is one hell of way to end a weekend.

The Giants get the ball back and drive downfield. Eli connects with new tight end Brandon Myers for a touchdown.
The Giants’ on-side kick was unsuccessful, and the Cowboys kneel down for the win.
Final score: Giants 31-Cowboys 36

This was a tough game to watch, but there were some positives to take away from it.
Despite giving up six turnovers, the Giants were still in position to win the game. There’s a good chance you won’t see the Giants give away the ball that many times again this season.

This was mostly because of how successful the passing game was. Eli has three great options at wide receiver with Cruz, Nicks, and Randle, and he has a good pass catching tight end in Brandon Myers.

One flops, and the other leg drops.

Their problems on defense were mostly because of how gassed they were. They were constantly being dragged onto the field because of all of the turnovers. Jerry Jones accused the Giants’ D of faking injuries, or flopping. Now I’m not saying that they did or didn’t flop, I’m just saying maybe Jerry knows what flopping looks like due to all of hat time he spent with LeBron James.

Ryan Mundy played well in his Giants regular season debut. I mean, besides accidentally giving Prince Amukamara a concussion.
Aaron Ross played well as a sub for Prince. He had a tough job of covering Dez Bryant and he answered the bell.

So what have I learned?

If Gov. Christie wants to complain about the New York Giants not being referred to as the New Jersey Giants, maybe he shouldn’t spend time in Jerry Jones’ crypt.

Why so glum, Chris? The 'Boys are winning! Is it because you are sitting next to death himself?

The Giants running back situation is a nightmare. Their extremely talented, and fast running back, “Dog House” Wilson, looks like he dips his hands in KY before he runs onto the field. Their injury prone backup running back, Brown, is out for several weeks. Now their acting backup, Scott, tipped a pass on a possible game winning drive which resulted in six points going the other way. I guess re-signing Brandon Jacobs could be a good edition, but he's there to hold down the fort until Brown comes back.

Coach Coughlin is no stranger to helping running backs with fumblitis. He needs to act quickly though;  Wilson’s too talented to be benched all the time for coughing up the ball.

The Giants’ passing attack will be good enough to win games for them. They just can’t give away the ball and give away that many points.