Week 8: Giants at Cowboys

"I want you to come down to Cowboys Stadium and watch us kick the Giants' asses!" These were the words of Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones to his fans in July. And just like the previous three times, the Giants beat the Cowboys in their own stadium, and just like the other times, it was still a very narrow victory. Although nothing makes me happier than seeing the Crypt Keeper, Jerry Jones, eat his southern twanged words, it was scary how close he was to being right.

Tales From the Owners Box

This game started off so well for the Giants, at least defensively. In the first quarter, Romo threw two picks and Dez Bryant fumbled twice during the same punt return. The problem with these turnovers was that they only led to thirteen points. Seven of those points came from a short Browntown Express run, which was greatly benefited by DeMarcus Ware sitting out that play due to a stinger he got.

"You are an animal! AHHHWOOOOOWWWW!"

In the second quarter, during the following Cowboys possession, the Haitian of Domination finally picked off one those passes that he usually whaps down at the line of scrimmage. Not only did he pick off Romo, but he returned it for a touchdown. Not only did he return it for a touchdown, he dunked the football over the crossbar like Teen Wolf and almost tore the whole thing down.

This was shaping up to be a Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Giants were Leatherface and the Cowboys were scared teenagers. However, in this version of the massacre, Leatherface became complacent and the teenagers started fighting back. Since that JPP touchdown and Shaq slam, the Giants were outscored by the Cowboys fourteen to six for the rest of the game. The Cowboys were very close to winning this game several times. It was almost a nightmare fit for Elm Street, but fortunately the Giants held on for the win.

Here is Tony Romo and Dez Bryant running from the Giants defense in the first quarter.

Bradshaw's coughing up the ball second quarter kicked off the Cowboys comeback. Maybe Cruz should have smacked him in the back of the helmet after that. For this game, Bradshaw had more fumbles than touchdowns. The Cowboys couldn't convert that turnover to points, but punted to the Giants, who then punted the ball back to them. This time the Cowboys scored on a Felix Jones run after they drove down the field with the Giants eating a steady diet of Austin and Witten catches 

The Giants, punting to the Cowboys, who then scored, became as tired and overdone as the Saw movies. Luckily, the monotony of the Giants punting to the Cowboys was broken up by an interception, which actually didn't lead to a Dallas score, but a punt. For this game, Eli had more interceptions than touchdowns.

The Giants eventually scored a field goal in the fourth quarter, giving them a twenty-six to twenty-four lead. The Cowboys responded with a Felix Jones fumble which was recovered by who else but Giants safety and Dallas native, Stevie Brown. This lead to ANOTHER Tynes field goal to put the Giants up twenty-nine to twenty-four.

Now with over three minutes left, RomoCop has to get a touchdown. I was hoping it would be quick so that Eli could get the ball back to work his two minute magic. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case as the Cowboys bled out the clock like a vampire. Witten and Austin were still catching almost everything. Rookie Jayron Hosley was getting torched like Nicolas Cage in the Wicker Man by Miles Austin the entire game, especially during the final minutes of the game.

On fourth and one, with a minute and fourteen seconds, Tony Thromo threw another pick to Stevie Brown. "Like, I don't think he can throw mo' picks. Oh wait there's another one!" And like all of those Friday the 13th movies, when you think it's over, Jason, or this case Thromo, shows up to create more havoc. The Giants got the ball back and sure enough punted after a three and out.

No matter how many times you think you've killed him. He always comes back.

This gave the Cowboys the ball back with forty-four seconds left. After a few complete catches, and with sixteen seconds left, Romo threw a pass to Dez Bryant in the endzone who jumped up between two defenders and came down with the ball. This gave the Cowboys the lead with six seconds left. The game was over. But through some act of God, or witchcraft, it turns out that Dez Bryant was out of bounds by literally about by a fingertip and the play was overturned. After that, the Cowboys couldn't score a a touchdown and the Giants hang on for another win in big D.

"Pittsburgh Killa B's sold fifty gold, sixty platinum."

The Giants offense couldn't really get anything going. They only had one offensive touchdown. They couldn't convert third downs while close to the redzone. The offense was as ugly as the Steelers' throwback uniforms, apparently they were a rugby team for Halloween.

The defense started off so strong, but that fizzled out just before halftime. The Cowboys' receivers always managed to get open. Even with the pass rush, Romo still made plays. But that's what Thromo does against the Giants, he plays out of his mind for most of the game but makes mistakes that are costly for his team. Kind of like drinking, or saying, "I'll be right back" in horror movies.

The Giants were able to weather the storm in Dallas only to fly back to New York just in time to weather an actual one.

So what have I learned?

"Don't worry Dallas fans, I found another way to screw you over!"

Football really is a game of inches. This is proven by Dez Bryant's near catch.

The Giants will use this game to remind themselves of why they can't settle for field goals all the time. Coach Coughlin was very clear about how there are plenty of ways to get better as a team. This is what makes them a great team. Even with a win, they still know they need to work on themselves.

There is no such thing as an easy win in this division. Even if the score is twenty-three to zero at one point.

I really need to get a nickname for Stevie Brown. He has played too well to not earn a nickname. And Browntown Express is already taken. I'm open for suggestions.