Week 8: Giants at Cowboys

"I want you to come down to Cowboys Stadium and watch us kick the Giants' asses!" These were the words of Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones to his fans in July. And just like the previous three times, the Giants beat the Cowboys in their own stadium, and just like the other times, it was still a very narrow victory. Although nothing makes me happier than seeing the Crypt Keeper, Jerry Jones, eat his southern twanged words, it was scary how close he was to being right.

Tales From the Owners Box

This game started off so well for the Giants, at least defensively. In the first quarter, Romo threw two picks and Dez Bryant fumbled twice during the same punt return. The problem with these turnovers was that they only led to thirteen points. Seven of those points came from a short Browntown Express run, which was greatly benefited by DeMarcus Ware sitting out that play due to a stinger he got.

"You are an animal! AHHHWOOOOOWWWW!"

In the second quarter, during the following Cowboys possession, the Haitian of Domination finally picked off one those passes that he usually whaps down at the line of scrimmage. Not only did he pick off Romo, but he returned it for a touchdown. Not only did he return it for a touchdown, he dunked the football over the crossbar like Teen Wolf and almost tore the whole thing down.

This was shaping up to be a Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Giants were Leatherface and the Cowboys were scared teenagers. However, in this version of the massacre, Leatherface became complacent and the teenagers started fighting back. Since that JPP touchdown and Shaq slam, the Giants were outscored by the Cowboys fourteen to six for the rest of the game. The Cowboys were very close to winning this game several times. It was almost a nightmare fit for Elm Street, but fortunately the Giants held on for the win.

Here is Tony Romo and Dez Bryant running from the Giants defense in the first quarter.

Bradshaw's coughing up the ball second quarter kicked off the Cowboys comeback. Maybe Cruz should have smacked him in the back of the helmet after that. For this game, Bradshaw had more fumbles than touchdowns. The Cowboys couldn't convert that turnover to points, but punted to the Giants, who then punted the ball back to them. This time the Cowboys scored on a Felix Jones run after they drove down the field with the Giants eating a steady diet of Austin and Witten catches 

The Giants, punting to the Cowboys, who then scored, became as tired and overdone as the Saw movies. Luckily, the monotony of the Giants punting to the Cowboys was broken up by an interception, which actually didn't lead to a Dallas score, but a punt. For this game, Eli had more interceptions than touchdowns.

The Giants eventually scored a field goal in the fourth quarter, giving them a twenty-six to twenty-four lead. The Cowboys responded with a Felix Jones fumble which was recovered by who else but Giants safety and Dallas native, Stevie Brown. This lead to ANOTHER Tynes field goal to put the Giants up twenty-nine to twenty-four.

Now with over three minutes left, RomoCop has to get a touchdown. I was hoping it would be quick so that Eli could get the ball back to work his two minute magic. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case as the Cowboys bled out the clock like a vampire. Witten and Austin were still catching almost everything. Rookie Jayron Hosley was getting torched like Nicolas Cage in the Wicker Man by Miles Austin the entire game, especially during the final minutes of the game.

On fourth and one, with a minute and fourteen seconds, Tony Thromo threw another pick to Stevie Brown. "Like, I don't think he can throw mo' picks. Oh wait there's another one!" And like all of those Friday the 13th movies, when you think it's over, Jason, or this case Thromo, shows up to create more havoc. The Giants got the ball back and sure enough punted after a three and out.

No matter how many times you think you've killed him. He always comes back.

This gave the Cowboys the ball back with forty-four seconds left. After a few complete catches, and with sixteen seconds left, Romo threw a pass to Dez Bryant in the endzone who jumped up between two defenders and came down with the ball. This gave the Cowboys the lead with six seconds left. The game was over. But through some act of God, or witchcraft, it turns out that Dez Bryant was out of bounds by literally about by a fingertip and the play was overturned. After that, the Cowboys couldn't score a a touchdown and the Giants hang on for another win in big D.

"Pittsburgh Killa B's sold fifty gold, sixty platinum."

The Giants offense couldn't really get anything going. They only had one offensive touchdown. They couldn't convert third downs while close to the redzone. The offense was as ugly as the Steelers' throwback uniforms, apparently they were a rugby team for Halloween.

The defense started off so strong, but that fizzled out just before halftime. The Cowboys' receivers always managed to get open. Even with the pass rush, Romo still made plays. But that's what Thromo does against the Giants, he plays out of his mind for most of the game but makes mistakes that are costly for his team. Kind of like drinking, or saying, "I'll be right back" in horror movies.

The Giants were able to weather the storm in Dallas only to fly back to New York just in time to weather an actual one.

So what have I learned?

"Don't worry Dallas fans, I found another way to screw you over!"

Football really is a game of inches. This is proven by Dez Bryant's near catch.

The Giants will use this game to remind themselves of why they can't settle for field goals all the time. Coach Coughlin was very clear about how there are plenty of ways to get better as a team. This is what makes them a great team. Even with a win, they still know they need to work on themselves.

There is no such thing as an easy win in this division. Even if the score is twenty-three to zero at one point.

I really need to get a nickname for Stevie Brown. He has played too well to not earn a nickname. And Browntown Express is already taken. I'm open for suggestions.

Week 7: Giants vs Redskins

“That guy is flat-out unbelievable. I’m not even going to lie. That’s the best quarterback we’ve played this year." These are the words of Giants' defensive end Osi Umenyiora about Robert Griffin III, otherwise known as RG3. Even though it's his rookie year, and the surrounding talent on his team isn't great, RG3 impresses and worries opposing teams. He played well. Well enough for Osi to stop calling him "Bob" and start calling him Sir Robert Griffin III.

"Your name sounds like royalty! Are you royalty?!"

It was a messy game played by the Giants. The running game couldn't get going, Eli made mistakes, and the Giants defense had cleat marks on their jerseys because of how much they were getting trampled.

The game started off slowly, with only three points being scored with a Redskins field goal on their first possession, which consisted of seventeen plays and lasted over nine minutes. The Giants scored on the following possession with an Andre Brown touchdown. The Redskins responded to that with a touchdown, but the Giants tied the game, just before halftime, at 10 with a field goal by Tynes. 

In the third quarter, the Redskins were driving on the Giants Alfred Morris coughed up the ball. As Giants fan think to themselves "This is where we get the lead an never look back," Eli throws a pick and there was a collective palm-to-forehead smack by everyone in the crowd. Luckily, RG3 gave the Giants the ball back again by throwing it to Stevie Brown. The Giants scored on the following possession with a Bradshaw run. This was after Bradshaw and Coach Coughlin got into a heated exchange about Bradshaw wanting to run the ball. At least he backed it up.

In response to that touchdown, the Haitian of Domination stripped the ball loose from RG3. Giants fans think to themselves, "Alright, this time we're gonna step on the Redskins' throat," What happened? An Eli interception followed by Eli face. The collective sound of tens of thousands of people face-palming created a shock wave that blew out windows in Manhattan.

"He did NOT just throw another pick!"

With the time on the game clock counting down, RG3 showed some two minute heroics by making some incredible plays to buy himself time to make throws, plays that worked against even the best executed defenses. He capped it off with a thirty yard pass to Santana Moss to give the Redskins a 23-20 lead. But there was a flaw in that drive - Eli now has ninety seconds and three timeouts to at least get in field goal range. Eli only needed nineteen seconds to throw a seventy-seven yard strike to Victor Cruz. The 'Skins couldn't score, but instead coughed up the ball again to seal the Giants' victory.

"Now you all are in big, big trouble!"

Eli played a sloppy game for the first fifty-eight minutes and thirty seconds. He was missing receivers for the entire game. He still threw for over three hundred yards, but those two picks were frustrating. But, when time is running out and the game is on the line, he turns into Billy Madison playing dodgeball against a bunch of first graders. Eli knew the 'Skins were expecting dink and dunk passes and would play tight on the receivers. That's why he threw the ball over the top to Cruz. He showed the breakout rookie QB how fourth quarter comebacks are really done.

The running game was lack-luster by only getting sixty-four yards on the ground. To be fair, there were less than twenty rushing attempts by the Giants. It's hard to get into a rhythm when you don't run the ball a lot. It was good to see Andre "The Browntown Express" Brown get back in the game, even though it's at the expense of David Wilson.

The receivers did a nice job of getting open for Eli. Bennett came back in a big way, catching five passes for seventy-nine yards. He would have had a touchdown, but Manning missed him in the endzone.

The rush defense had their hands full on Sunday with a very effective rushing offense. The
'Skins had one hundred and forty rushing yards by halftime, two hundred and forty yards by the end of the game. The Giants can usually contain the option style offense, but this one was too good to stop.

The pass rush is starting to click and the big three d-linemen, JPP, Osi, and Tuck, all had sacks. It looked like the Giants figured out how to throw RG3 off of his game and disrupt him, even if it didn't always work out. And any evidence of the Haitian of Domination not having fun was danced away as he performed a most intimidating Gangnam Style dance after a sack.

Are we having fun yet?

So what have I learned?

Whether it's "Drive Angry 3D" or "Face/Off", it's still a paycheck.

This win was a textbook "character win" for the Giants. They hung in there and stole one from the Redskins. Wins aren't always pretty, but like Nicolas Cage choosing a script, you have to take what you can get.

Ahmad Bradshaw has become the emotional leader of this team. He expects a lot from himself and from his teammates. He has replaced Brandon Jacobs as the offensive fire starter.

The defensive line is starting to get hot at the same time. Imagine how effective they would be if they weren't playing against such a phenomenon, like Rex Grossman. Oh that's right, Rex beat them twice last year... go figure.

Most importantly, I learned that I should dread Redskins games for the next ten to twelve years (providing RG3 is healthy and on the 'Skins). Things could get ugly if Sir Robert Griffin III actually gets some substantial weapons.

"Until meet again, Mr. The Third."

Week 6: Giants at 49ers

"The only outcome that would surprise me is if either team is blown out." Sure enough, I was surprised by the Giants when they beat up on the 49ers with the final score of twenty-six to three.

"I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!"

There was a lot of banter leading up to this game. Most notably, the Gilbride/Harbaugh back and fourth. Gilbride accused the 49ers top defensive lineman, Justin Smith, of not getting called with holding penalties. "Gets away with murder" is how he stated it. Harbaugh, who is as subtle as a piano tumbling down a flight of metal stairs, took offense to that comment and retaliated by calling the comments "outrageous, irrational, and incendiary." He also said, "It's obvious that the Giants coaching staff's sole purpose is to use their high visibility to both criticize and influence officiating."
This means war...  

The 9ers came into this game looking to get back at the Giants for beating them in NFC Championship game. But, as the old quote says, "He who seeks vengeance must dig two graves." However, the Giants were not the ones who were buried in this game. Not even close.

This was the Giants statement game of the year. What's the statement? The Giants are a serious contender and need to be taken seriously.

The game started off being highly contentious. But it was a bad omen for the 9ers when David Akers, the only place kicker I hate, missed his very first field goal attempt (and another just before halftime). It's probably pathetic, but I'm happy to see him get knocked down a peg.

After some back and fourth between the two teams, the Giants punched the 49ers in the mouth with a Prince Amukamara pick which led to a Victor Cruz salsa dance. After the last two weeks of 9ers absolutely dominating the Jets and Bills, it seems that they forgot how to respond to adversity. Since that point in the game, the Giants beat up on them both offensively and defensively.

The big story on the Giant offense this week is the same as last week; Ahmad Bradshaw. He ran for one hundred and sixteen yards and a touchdown. Fun fact: The 49ers haven't allowed a one hundred yard rusher in their past twenty-two home games.

Eli didn't have a monster game but he played mistake-free, efficient football. He threw for only one hundred and ninety three yards and one touchdown. But, he didn't throw a pick and he didn't get sacked once. That means he won't have to get those stubborn grass and mud stains off of his white jersey.

"Timesies, you guys! My clothes are all yucky!"

 The receivers could only catch for so many yards in this game. But they moved the chains and were all reliable targets for their quarterback. It was good to see Hakeem Nicks and his big hands back in action, even though it looks like he has a way to go to be close to being his former self.

"Heavy. Why are things so heavy in San Fransisco?"

Speaking of former self, the Giants defense must have brought the 2005 rookie version of Alex Smith to the present day with a Delorean, because he was brutal. Smith couldn't get comfortable and he made bad decisions. Hopefully, he didn't decide to bring a 2012 edition of Gray's Sports Almanac back to 2005. That would be a worse decision than throwing that one pass directly to Antrel Rolle.

The 49ers couldn't run the ball either. After running the ball for over three hundred yards last week, they were held to only eighty yards.

This game was won mostly because of the Giants winning at the line of scrimmage. The o-line protected Eli, and gave Bradshaw big holes to run through. The pass rush finally showed up again, coming up with six sacks, two by the Haitian of Domination alone. Maybe Osi, Tuck, and JPP were taken by Albanians earlier this season and then recently rescued by Liam Neeson, and that's why we didn't really see them until now. Hopefully the pass rush doesn't get taken again. I'd hate for Liam to have to go on another killing rampage to find these guys.

"Coach Coughlin, listen to me carefully. Your defensive line has been taken again."

So what have I learned?

Price Amukamara has become a very reliable cornerback now that he's healthy.

David Wilson is earning Coughlin's trust every time he gets the ball. He'll keep his job if he keeps the ball from touching the turf.

With Will Beatty as the new left tackle and Sean Locklear as the right tackle, the Giants running game has been completely revamped.

Weather you call it the "Wildcat" or the "Wild-Kap", the Giants are too fast and strong up front for it to be effective consistently against them. This is important heading into next weeks match-up against the Redskins and RGIII, who uses that kind of offense at times.

Now the cat is out of the bag and they smoked one of the best teams in the NFL, the Giants will have trouble playing the 'underdog" card.

The Giants are now the team with the target on their back. Maybe this will be their new "us against the world" philosophy that motivates them. 

Week 5: Giants vs Browns

This is Admiral Ackbar in case you didn't know.

Honestly, I was worried about the game. It had all the makings of a Giants upset. It was a home game, it was an early game, it was between two big games, and it was against a winless opponent. To quote Admiral Ackbar, "It's a trap!" (It's a Star Wars reference, look it up). I became even more worried after Bradshaw's fumble on the first offensive play, followed by a Trent Richardson touchdown run, then a sixty yard Brandon Weeden touchdown pass shortly thereafter. "This is going to be a long day."

After that Weeden pass, the Giants regrouped and drove from their five yard line for a touchdown thirteen plays later. After two field goals were exchanged, the Browns had the ball and old man Weeden was intercepted by backup safety, Stevie Brown. That lead to an Ahmad Bradshaw touchdown.

During the ensuing kickoff, Joshua Cribbs on the Browns fumbles and the ball is recovered by Stevie Brown. After that fumble, the Giants scored a quick touchdown. It was the Giants' game from that point on. 

The Giants' offense was a powerhouse, especially once they got their momentum going. Eli Manning completed twenty-five of his thirty-seven passes for two hundred fifty-six yards and three touchdowns. His only interception was off of a pass that was broken up by a Browns cornerback.

Eli's revolving doors of big game receivers kept on turning on Sunday with Rueben Randle, who led the Giants with six receptions for eighty-two yards. Victor Cruz had a career-high, three touchdown catches during this game as well.

What's a berserker? THAT'S a berserker!

Ahmad Bradshaw. What can I say about his career best performance? After his And 1 behind-the-back fumble, he proceeded to run as angrily and as intensely as possible. He wasn't Ahmad Bradshaw, he was A Mad Bradshaw. He unleashed the inner berserker as he stormed for two hundred rushing yards. David Wilson showed his offensive ability with a late forty yard touchdown run. He was completely untouched by the Browns on that run. It turns out that you can't fumble if you don't get touched. Maybe he should just do that every play.

The defense played well aside from those two touchdowns in the first quarter. I already mentioned Stevie Brown's pick and fumble recovery earlier. Also, Chase Blackburn picked off Weeden in the endzone after Weeden was penalized for his "catch and release" play ala Dave Brown. What was a big surprise was the zero sacks that the Giants put up this game. Osi came close to his patented QB strip, but he got there just a bit too late.

Remember when Giants' fans were frustrated with Eli's early playing?

So what have I learned?

The Giants showed a lot of heart during this game. After giving up fourteen fast points, the Giants didn't get frustrated, or despondent (SAT word bonus). They stuck with the game plan and showed the Browns who the defending Superbowl champions are. Even if they don't play their best game, they won't give up.

What a weirdo.

Players like Chris Snee, and Martellus Bennett got hurt during the game, but stayed in to help the Giants win. Snee was suffering from a partially torn hip muscle, and the Black Unicorn hyper-extended his knee during the first quarter, which apparently hurt him a lot by the looks of his tweet.  Unfortunately, Andre "The Browntown Express" Brown got a concussion early in the game and didn't return.  

Now that Andre Brown has a concussion, David Wilson will be Bradshaw's backup. Let's see if he can handle the role, and handle the ball as well.

"The Giants can't penetrate the line." That's what she said.

I feel like I've brought this up for most of the games, but the Giants' defensive line hasn't been the powerhouse it should be. It used to be something I looked forward to watching it every week, but now I just watch it out of habit until something comes on that I want to watch. It's not what it used to be. Kinda like The Office.

This is not your dad's Giants. It is more of an offensive driven team that doesn't use the smash mouth running game, but instead airs the ball out and dances when they score.

Giants cannot afford to start slow in these upcoming games. They can get away with starting slow against Cleveland, but that won't work against San Fransisco or any of the other tough opponents they still have to face this year.

Week 4: Giants at Eagles

I didn't think Lawrence Tynes had enough leg to make a fifty-four yard field goal to defeat the Eagles on Sunday night. I was right. He is a kicker that can barely force a touchback on a kickoff. He kicks like Chad Pennington throws. If I know that, shouldn't the rest of the Giants know that? Maybe they thought he couldn't hit a thirty-five yarder and that's why Eli was airing the ball out like they were down by six. Maybe they were trying to set up Tynes for a nineteen yarder.

"Who here can hit a 54 yarder? Raise your hand. Get your hand down, Larry!"

I mean the Giants had just under two minutes left to get into field goal range and Eli was throwing bombs. We were only able to move the ball because of two pass interference penalties, and they were both arguable calls. It looked like the football gods were giving us the game. Then Ramses Barden roughed up Nnamdi Asomugha on a long pass down the sideline and was flagged for an offensive pass interference. This disaster happened on second and nine while the Giants were on the twenty-six yard line (a makeable field goal for Tynes).

Barden gets fifteen yards for a flying DDT.

Because of that play, the Giants were looking at a third and nineteen on the thirty-seven yard line. Coach Coughlin decided to kick the field goal being that there were only fifteen seconds left and the Giants had no timeouts. If a ball was caught and kept in bounds the clock would continue running and the field goal would most likely not even be attempted. It was a tough decision he had to make, but I don't think it was a bad choice. What was a bad choice was Andy Reid's attempt to freeze the kicker with a last second timeout. Reid, who actually sounds fatter than he looks, called a timeout just as Tynes shanked the kick. Luckily, it didn't count. Unfortunately for the Giants, Tynes second attempt at a fifty-four yard field goal only traveled fifty-two yards. And just like that, the Giants are 0-2 in the division.

There are a few positives to take from this game. The defense kept Vick, McCoy and the rest of the Eagles offense for the first half. But the second half was a different story as the Eagles moved the ball up and down the field on the Giants.

Vick, who is fully equipped in Batman "dog bite proof" armor, did not have a single turnover and Andy Reid decided it would be a good time to use his best offensive weapon, McCoy, more consistently. Thanks Andy "I Am The Walrus" Reid, for finally pulling your head out of your water tight ass just in time to play the Giants.

During the off-season he is a fan favorite at the aquarium.

Webster got fooled by DeSean Jackson for the first touchdown of the game, and the only Eagles touchdown. Osi had one sack, but he committed numerous mental errors throughout the game. It also hurts that strong safety Kenny Phillips got knocked out of the game early, but Stevie Brown filled in nicely with eight tackles, two of which were for losses.

Despite being a welcome mat for LeSean McCoy in the second half, the Giants displayed an impressive red-zone defense, only allowing one touchdown in four red-zone possessions. 

"Excuse me sir, what seems to be your boggle?"

The Giants offense in the first half couldn't get anything started mostly because of the lack of protection for Eli. This resulted in Steve Weatherford punting five times in the first half. He probably needed to cryogenically freeze his leg in order to recuperate.

David Wilson might not be all that effective in the running game or the receiving game, but it looks like he has found a new role with the Giants as a kickoff returner. He is a well-known open field runner and you can't get more open field than on kickoffs. He averaged thirty-six yards a return, with his longest being fifty-three yards. If Wilson doesn't fumble the ball and makes big plays on his returns, he's going to be better friends with Tom Coughlin than he is with Tom Hanks.
 

With his breakout speed, David Wilson will no longer be a cast away. See what I did there?

On offense, the Giants looked really sharp at times, but looked dreadful at others. There was no running game. Bradshaw, Brown, and Hynoski combined didn't even rush for half of what McCoy ran for. 

Eli threw for over three hundred yards and two touchdowns. However, he threw a classic Eli Manning pick in the red-zone, followed by the classic Eli face. His decisions during their last possession weren't the best as he unnecessarily forced passes downfield.

Cruz and Hixon had great games, with both of them getting over one hundred reception yards. Plus Cruz did his endzone salsa dance accompanied by some salsa music supplied by NBC.

So what have I learned?

I learned that the Giants should make a habit of putting games away early. The week three game against Carolina was so pleasant for the Giant's fans.

It looks like Nicks may be out for a while. It's good to see Domenik Hixon stepping up and making big time catches. We already know that Barden can do well when he isn't giving cornerbacks a full nelson.

Kenny Phillips will be week to week with a knee injury, but Tyler Sash comes back next week from a suspension and hopefully he can fill the void left by Phillips. If not, I am okay with Stevie Brown stepping into that roll.

The Giants need to get past this tough loss or even use it as motivation for a tough stretch in the schedule. They catch a break with playing Cleveland next, but this could be a bit of trap for the Giants. They cannot afford to look ahead to San Fransisco. 

Oh, also, I hate the Eagles. A lot. But you probably knew that.