An Open Letter to the New York Giants

Dear the New York Giants,

What is going on with you guys? You are off to a historically bad start. I should actually congratulate you... you are the first team in the history of the NFL to lose two games while having a ten point lead in the fourth quarter. It takes a special brand of stink to achieve that milestone. Looking at the past, though, I shouldn’t be surprised about this awful start.
Do you know the Facebook feature where you can look at posts from a certain date from years past? Well, using that feature, I see nothing but me expressing my misery about watching the Giants’ terrible starts from years past. It’s like the Groundhog Day of being disappointed by your favorite team.


What are the causes of these two losses? I say “causes”, because in order to have two meltdowns like this you have to stink more than the inside of a tauntaun. Here are some of the things that I find to be responsible for your terrible losses.

It makes for a great sleeping bag on a cold night on Hoth, but boy does it smell!

Lack of a pass rush
Granted, the pass rush looked much better against the Falcons. Ayers looked especially good. Even though it looked better, it was still very lackluster. There is nobody on your front seven that scares anybody. Your best defensive lineman isn’t even on your team right now. He’s in Florida, carefully taking Instagram pictures where you can’t see his mangled tree of a hand.

Defense can’t play big in big spots
This happened last week, too. When the defense needed to make big spots to keep your lead intact, they fell apart faster than a house of cards during a hurricane.

Zero running game
You know your team is in trouble when the quarterback has the second most rushing yards when you have three rotating running backs. It’s not like were talking about Cam Newton, or Mike Vick circa 2006. We’re talking about Eli “quicksand” Manning here.
Against the Cowboys, your running game looked better, but it’s nothing to hang your hat on. Especially when your running back is told NOT to score. We’ll touch on that one in a bit.

Dropsies
Other than Odell Beckham, the receivers aren’t reliable at all. Counting on them to make catches in big spots is like relying on a subtle acting performance from Nicolas Cage. Preston Parker was the biggest offender of this. After starting off the season with back-to-back games with big drops, you guys decided to cut him. Now, some people think that if Parker was cut, this would alleviate most, if not all, of your woes. I know better, but it does send a message to your team, and your fan base, that you are taking this season seriously. Preston Parker was used as a scapegoat of your team. Don’t get me wrong, he deserved to get cut. Not only was he a scapegoat, but his hands were like goat hooves, as in everything bounced off of them. Come to think of it, he kind of resembles a goat, too.

If a goat was turning into a human, but the spell was stopped at like 97% completion.

Mental mistakes
The biggest issue that you guys have is the lack of overall game awareness. Sometimes, it’s Landon Collins not touching a player when he’s on the ground, or missing Jason Witten when he goes in motion. Other times, it’s Eli Manning scrambling in the red zone, not seeing a wide open Beckham in the end zone, only to get stripped sacked. Or it’s your coaches choosing to pass the ball when you can simply run the clock out, or it’s Eli Manning snapping the ball when he could’ve milked the clock more. Or it’s generally Eli having the same concept of time and clocks as a Beagle does.

Here's Eli (far right), too busy running for his life to see the wide open Beckham.

Now, I understand that all teams make mental errors. The difference with your crew is that you aren’t talented enough to overcome those errors. Some people say that if those mistakes weren’t made, you would have two wins. But my point is that good teams don’t make mistakes that big, at that time in the game. Even if they do, they can overcome them to win the game.


This Thursday, you have another NFC East match up against the Washington Redskins. It’s only September, but this is a must win for you guys. Going winless in the first three games is not an option. However, you caught a huge break this season. The Cowboys are so banged up that they are looking to Matt Cassell as their savior, the Chip Kelly experiment looks like it hit a wall, and the Redskins are the Redskins.

Hopefully soon, some of the injured players will be coming back. Cruz is out this week, but it’s not out of the realm of possibility to see him in week four. Jon Beason, the leader of the defense, is now probable for Thursday’s matchup. I’d like to see how the defense responds to him calling the shots.

Even though your team played like hot garbage in the first two weeks, you can still win this division. You can do this. Your team used to be known, not all that long ago, to excel in the face of adversity. Your team, your players, need to find that spirit that propelled them to greatness, harness it, and make a run to the playoffs.

In other words, get your shit together.

Sincerely,

Frustrated (yet hopeful) in New York

Week One 2015: Giants at Cowboys

The battle for the NFC East kicked off in brutal fashion Sunday night as the Giants faced off against the Cowboys in Dallas. It was truly a battle of “Who wants it less?”, as both teams were acting like they were playing hot potato with a time bomb. After the dust settled, after it was all said and done, it looks like the Giants wanted the win just a little bit less.

I don’t mean to say the Giants gave that game away. I hate that mentality. True, the Giants put themselves in a bad spot late in the game, but it was still up to Tony Romo and the Dez Bryant-less Cowboys’ offense to drive down the field with ninety seconds left to score seven points. And that’s exactly what they did... with the ease of Thor breaking open a piñata. Seriously, it looked like the Cowboys were wielding the all powerful hammer, Mjölnir, and making candy rain down from the heavens all over the Giants.   

Dammit, Thor! I know you're the god of thunder, but you didn't even let Timmy take a swing on his own birthday piñata!

Even though this game was terrible for the most part, there were still some glimmers of hope. Let’s break down what went right and what went wrong. Since it was against the Cowboys, there’s only one way to do it...

The Good
Prince Amukamara and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie both played really well. It’s strange to consider that the cornerstone of Spags’ defense is the cornerback position, but, nonetheless, they are, above and beyond, the best part of this defense.

The defense, at times, were in position to make big plays and capitalized on those opportunities. Whether it was DRC’s fumble recovery taken to the crib, Unai ‘Unga’s interception of a bad connection between Romo and Witten, or Trumaine McBride’s pick off of Merriweather’s great (and clean) hit on Cowboys’ receiver Devin Street, the defense was able to make big plays.

The run defense on the Giants was fine as well. The Cowboys rushed for eighty-one yards against Big Blue.

From what I saw on Sunday night, the offensive line looked pretty good. Eli wasn’t running for his life the whole game. There were a few possessions where the offensive line struggled with pass protection, but, overall, they did a good job protecting Eli.
At times, especially towards the end of the game, the run blocking looked good too. Big running lanes were created for the running backs.
Now I’m not saying they are anywhere near the same level as the 2007 squad and they have a lot more work to do, but they played better than I expected.

Newly acquired punter, Brad Wing, also played well.

The Bad
Landon Collins needs to grow a lot more in coverage. On Jason Witten’s goal line touchdown catch, it looked like Collins forgot he had to cover him until just before the snap, so he was completely out of position to make a play. He looks far more comfortable playing off the line of scrimmage and going after the quarterback or running back, but the idea of a safety is to have help in the secondary.

I mentioned earlier about how good the Giants’ run defense looked, but, unfortunately, the G-Men almost looked like they were repelled by running backs catching balls out of the backfield. Most of this happened in Dallas’ piñata smashing drive while the Giants were playing deeper for the pass. If you know this, then you should not be surprised that Lance Dunbar was the Cowboys’ leading receiver.

Preston Parker’s performance must have Giants’ fans everywhere praying for a speedy return of Victor Cruz. For every pass that bounced off his hands, or went through his arms like a human basketball hoop, I was yelling his name like J. Jonah Jameson.

PARRRKERRR!

The Ugly
Two words, pass rush. I want you to read this sentence slowly, very, very slowly, and while you’re reading this drawn out sentence I want you to envision the Giants’ pass rush running after you. By the time it took you to finish that last sentence, the Giants would still be making their way to you. I’m not sure if it’s because the Giants’ pass rush is that awful or if Dallas’ offensive line is so good. Probably both? Mostly the former?

I have two other words for you, clock management. The display of stupidity that the Giants displayed in the final two minutes of the game against Dallas was so mind-numbingly baffling. How do professionals not keep track of the opponents time outs? How do Coughlin, and McAdoo call a pass play on third down when the other team is only down by three points and there’s over a minute left to play? How does Eli Manning not take a dive when nobody was open to insure that the clock would keep running? Why did he tell Jennings “not to score”?
There are so many questions to ask about this complete mental meltdown. But you have to expect that kind of clock mis-management from a coach in his first year. What? It’s not his first year? Well, surely with a rookie quarterback, he wouldn’t know to take a sack to keep the clock... Huh? He isn’t? He’s been in the league for over ten years? Oh. So it was just a horrible clock management by a regime that’s won two Super Bowls? Good to know.

Manning after reading Jennings' comments.

The fallout from this blunder lead to some interesting finger pointing from the Giants’ locker room. No, I’m not talking about JPP (See that? Finger jokes!). I’m talking about Rashad Jennings who said that Eli told him not to score while near the goal line. It’s not that big of a deal, and it was accurate. But, you don’t throw your teammate under the bus, and that’s what Jennings did. He threw Eli right in the path of a Greyhound speeding down I-95. Jennings should know that Eli don’t play no sh*t! He was never about playing no sh*t! But in reality, it was made into a way bigger deal than it should’ve been, plus it didn’t seem like Easy E really cared that much about it at all. Unless he just kept it inside and will eventually burn down Jennings house. It's always the quiet ones that you gotta look out for.


Look, not every game will be pretty, and not every win will be pretty. Regardless of how ugly the game was, the Giants almost beat the defending division leaders on their home turf. So maybe there will be something to look forward to this season. They just have to lick their wounds, learn from this loss, and move on.


On To The Next One
Coming up on Sunday, the Giants have one of their few home one o’clock games against the Falcons. I don’t know what to make of the Falcons yet. To be honest, I don’t know what to make of almost every team yet. Was the Falcons’ defense that good, or did the Eagles just underperform? Even if the Falcons have a better defense, I don't think it's as good as the Cowboys'. Hopefully we'll see the offense go wild like Odell's hair on the Falcons this week.

The new head of Head & Shoulders got inspiration for his new locks from Doc Brown, and the onions you pull from the ground from Super Mario Bros. 2.

No matter how their defense is, we know their offense, especially Julio Jones,  is dangerous. Let’s see if the Fresh Prince and DRC are up for another challenge.

The ever growing injury list is still much longer then I would like. Cruz, Beason, and Odighizuwa are still on the list. Now new names like Flowers, Kuhn, and 'Unga are on the list. We'll have to keep out eyes on those guys and see who's gonna suit up on Sunday.

I honestly think the Giants will take a step forward this week. They need to get a win here even if it's to get the bitter taste from last week out of the mouths of Giants and fans alike. I just hope they aren’t too worried to score touchdowns.

Training Camp 2015: Recap

Labor Day Weekend has come and gone. School buses have flooded the roads, Halloween decorations are creeping in the aisles of stores everywhere, pumpkin spice is invading all of our senses. This only means one thing... football is finally here.

This time of year you can find Pumpkin Spice in coffee, cookies, guacamole, french fries, toothpaste, ...

After months of practicing, training, and playing preseason games, I didn’t find much to be optimistic about. I know the Giants’ game plan in August won’t resemble their game plan in September. It looked like Eli and the some of his fellow teammates were just going through the motions like a little league team who care more about going to Pizza Hut after the game than they do about winning.

"Guys! Only two quarters left until we get our personal pan pizzas!"

There actually were things during preseason that were encouraging. The offensive line looked better than I thought it was going to. They all did a good job creating a pocket for Eli.
Rookies Landon Collins and Owamagbe Odighizuwa were both impressive during their time on the field.
Defensive end Robert Ayers has stepped up and looks to be the anchor of that defensive line. That is until JPP comes back... if he ever comes back.

Time To Buy Stocks In Bandages And Crutches
Training camp and preseason left behind a crazy number of casualties in its wake, and the Giants, just like every other team, got banged up like Detective Nordberg.

"Doctors say I'll be back on my feet in two weeks..."

Victor Cruz injured his calf, and hasn’t played any snaps of preseason football. It looks like we’ll have to wait to see how this “high powered” offense will look.
Left tackle Will Beatty got injured early in camp and will be out until week six. This lead to rookie OT Ereck Flowers getting thrown into the deep end of the pool at left tackle. Fortunately, it looks like the big guy can stay afloat.
Newly acquired center from the CFL, Brett “The Hitman” Jones, is on IR with a knee injury.
Nat Berhe, Justin Currie, Josh Gordy, Jackson Bennett, and Mykkele Thomspon are also on IR this year. What makes this interesting is that all the guys I just listed are safeties. I don’t know if the safety's film room was built on an Indian burial ground, or if safety coach, David Merritt, angered a witch doctor, but this situation is terrible. Ironic that the position titled “safety” is the most banged up.

All things considered, the Giants got off light in terms of injuries. They didn’t lose anyone of great importance for the season. Just ask the Packers how they feel about losing Nelson for the year, or ask the Cowboys how they feel about Orlando Scandrick missing the entire season. I bet they would rather suffer the losses that the Giants had to deal with.

I Left My Finger In South Florida
Jason Pierre-Paul, who is one finger short of a high five, met with the Giants’ organization about his return. However, it didn’t go well, and JPP is back in Florida for maybe another month. It’s frustrating to see that the Giants didn’t think he was healthy enough to play at a competitive level, but I have no choice but to trust their decision. There is nothing that Giants could gain by sending him home when he can make a contribution to the team.
Right now, JPP is in NFL limbo. He’s floating around the periphery of the NFL aimlessly like a big, athletic, nine-fingered ghost. Hopefully, he can get his hand back to one hundred percent so he can go to the light, which coincidentally is located in East Rutherford, as soon as possible. 

Released/Replaced
The Giants have released the most jacked punter in the league, Steve Weatherford. The marble-sculpted booter was having issues with his directional punting this pre-season, plus Weatherford was due to make over three million dollars this year.

They also got rid of fullback Henry Hynoski. Unfortunately, it looks like we’ll never see his cool Hynoceros touchdown dance ever again.

New Faces And Not So New Faces
To replace Weatherford, the Giants traded a seventh round pick to the Steelers for Brad Wing. He is younger and is going to make five hundred thousand this year. You may not be able to create a topographical map of this Aussie's torso, but he frees up some cap space.

Nikita Whitlock is the Giants’ new fullback. He played nose tackle at Wake Forrest, even though he’s under six feet tall, and converted to fullback when he got into the NFL. He loves making contact, and hopefully this translates into him being a solid lead blocker for the running backs.

The injury issues at the safety position is so bad that the Giants were forced to sign former Redskins’ safety Brandon Meriweather. This guy hands out more cheap shots than a Ft. Lauderdale bartender during spring break. He’s a walking personal foul penalty who, unfortunately, is the Giants’ best option for the safety position. The G-Men also tried out former safety, Stevie Brown.They ended up releasing Brown, but signed safety Craig Dahl, who was with the Giants during their Super Bowl XVII run. He also played for the Rams when Spags took the reigns there. His familiarity with Spags’ defense will hopefully help out a paper thin secondary.

SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHA SHOTS! EVERYBODY!

What I Expect From This Season
In my last entry I made a list about everything that needed to go right for the Giants to get into the playoffs. The items on that list are now even harder to obtain. I don’t feel feel that great about the upcoming season. I think the feeling that I have the most is dread. Like when you realize you’ve forgotten all about a high school project only to be reminded of it an hour before it’s due.

Even though I feel this way, there is a reason why these games are played every Sunday. Anything can happen. I’d be surprised if they make the playoffs, but I’d be even more surprised if they didn’t win more games than they did last year. This team has a knack for playing their best when everyone counts them out, and it seems like this season, everyone is counting them out. I know it really doesn’t mean anything, but maybe this can be the chip on their collective shoulder that propels them to success.

On To The Next One
The Giants open their season in Dallas against the Cowboys. On Sunday night, because why go to sleep when you can get disappointed with your team? Whenever these two team meet, they play each other with a Rocky-Balboa-like ferocity. I don’t expect this game to be any different.
It’s gonna be an offensive showdown. Both teams are primed to score a lot of points here. It’s gonna come down to what defense is gonna step up and make that one play to put their team in position to win.
I hope the Giants can head back home with a road win against Dallas under their belt. A division win in week one will definitely ease the pressure for the upcoming season.

Traning Camp 2015

The G-Men are back. They have suited up again in hopes to improve themselves for the 2015 season. This time of year, it’s reasonable for any fan of any team to pick and choose parts of their team and say “See? If things break our way, we can make the playoffs.” Except for maybe the Browns. They need a Sonny Weaver like miracle to become relevant, even though they made some waves last year. But, again, you never know in August. Remember when this time last year a lot of people were convinced the Cowboys would finish last in the division? You can’t count anyone out. Especially in the NFC East.

Sorry, Sonny Weaver Jr., it'll take more than Vonte Mack, and Ray Jennings to save your season. 

The Giants are no exception to this unbridled optimism. Granted, the only way they’re playing in January is if they win the division. Would anybody really be shocked if they won it? Yes, I know, A LOT of things need to go right for them to win the division. Let’s make a list of what needs to go right.

The offensive line needs to protect Eli and create lanes for the running backs consistently. There were too many times to count last year when Eli was under a Black Friday pass rush, and when the running backs couldn’t get the room to rush for four yards to score a touchdown.

Victor Cruz needs to be healthy. We’ve seen what Cruz and Beckham can do individually, but I’d really like to see what they can do together. Hopefully Cruz’s patellar tendon is healed and he can be as close to his old self as possible.

The defensive line needs to put pressure on the quarterback. I remember a few years ago, when the Giants would play the Cowboys, and in some games by the fourth quarter, you’d see Tony Romo start throwing a fit and yell at his offensive line. I miss seeing that. It would certainly help if Jason Pierre-Paul wasn’t missing from training camp, as well as his index finger. This new, yet familiar, Spagnuolo defense would be perfect for JPP. His strength is just trusting his instincts and running after the ball carrier like a madman, and I think Spags would just give him free range to get after it while the secondary covers. It looks like Damontre Moore might have to take on that mantle. He should fill in nicely considering he’s another physical freak that’s a knucklehead.

Jon Beason needs to stay healthy. This kiddie pool deep linebacking unit is, at best, suspect. If one of the starters goes down, the whole middle of the field might be compromised. The most important person in this unit is Beason. He is the best lineback the Giants have, unfortunately, he is as healthy as an ox... who is always injured.

The secondary has to be reliable. This might be the best secondary Spags has ever had with the Giants. What we might see is an inverted scheme from what we saw back in 2007. This time around, he might have to rely on coverage to give the pass rush more time to make a play, other than using a fast pass rush to mask a weak secondary. This will only work if the secondary stays healthy and does their job. I'm looking at you, Prince and DRC. 

So yeah, if all of those things go right, if the planets align, if the groundhog sees his shadow, etc, etc, the Giants have a shot. But if I realistically look at the Giants this year, if I take off my homer glasses, I’ll be happy if they win eight games this year. I know they can win more than that, though.

Now all he needs is a Rainbow Star so he won't run around like a wounded deer.

What’s my reason for this optimism? The offense. This could very easily be the best offense in the Coughlin/Manning era. According to reports, Eli has been flinging heat like he’s on a steady diet of Super Mario Fire Flowers. This will be the second year under the McAdoo system, and under that system last year Eli’s game improved significantly. I’m excited to see how much more he’ll improve this year.
Everyone talks about Odell being there for all sixteen games, but the addition of Shane Vereen might be a bit overlooked. I think this will play a huge role in the Giants’ success. Eli hasn’t had reliable hands out of the backfield since Tiki Barber, and I don’t think Vereen is a condescending ass-hat like Barber is. With this new piece of the offense, I won't be as nervous on third downs anymore, now that Eli has a reliable safety valve.

Well, I guess I can’t write a blog about Giants’ training camp without talking about Jason Pierre-Paul. I suppose I feel the same way about JPP as Colin Cowherd feels about Dominican ballplayers. Playing with fireworks when you are on the path to signing a sixty million dollar deal, is a worse idea than... well, I guess jumping rope with electrified barbed wire is a worse idea, or maybe feeding a T-Rex cookies from your mouth is worse. But still, in the real world, there may not be a worse idea then messing with explosives while looking at a huge payday. Wait! Punching your quarterback in the face and breaking his jaw! That’s worse!
However, I understand why JPP won’t go to training camp. The Giants hold all the cards now. They could easily evaluate his hand, and send him packing without so much as cab fare. All we can do is hope is gets better, and hope he does it quickly. He’s got a lot to prove to the Giants, and the thirty-one other teams who might want to sign him after this year.

This season could be disappointing. I just hope it’s not True Detective Season 2 disappointing. Otherwise, I’m liable to become a miserable and brooding malcontent like Velcoro, Bezzerides, or Woodrough. I’ll get a corner booth in a dimly lit bar, drink whiskey that’s served to me by a waitress with striking facial scars while some tragic young singer is singing songs that make you want to take a bath with your favorite toaster oven. There I’ll groan about Eli Manning interceptions, opposing QBs getting all day to complete a pass, and inaudibly refer to names and places that nobody remembers or even cares about.

"Pain is inexhaustible. It's only people that get exhausted." Sometimes my loathing for this season was inexhaustible.

Regardless of how this season pans out, I couldn’t be happier now that football is back.