Week 12: Giants vs Cowboys

I see dead playoff hopes.

So the Giants are officially done. They were on death’s doorstep for quite some time. I even considered this season over as early as week five. It turns out the Giants were as dead as Bruce Willis in the The Sixth Sense. They were dead all along, they just didn’t know it yet. I’m going to recap this
game, but it’s going to be brief. This will be like rehashing a breakup. So I’m going to go ahead and put on Thelma and Louise, put on a Fiona Apple album, burn some memorabilia, and start typing.

First quarter:
The game starts off with back to back to back to back punts. This included a sixty-eight yard punt from Weatherford.
Finally something happened and Antrel Rolle picked off Romo on a pass intended for Dez Bryant.
The Giants didn’t waste any time returning the favor as Victor Cruz was stripped of the ball and that was returned for a touchdown.
The quarter ended in the middle of a Giants’ drive.
Score: Giants 0 - Cowboys 7

Second Quarter:
Giants’ continue their drive but had to settle for three points when they couldn’t get a touchdown, even though they had four plays to score from only nine yards out.
Dallas didn’t settle for three points because Romo connected with Jason Witten for a twenty yard touchdown.
The Giants again settled for a field goal on the following drive. This time, they had only four yards to go but couldn’t get six. That’s not how you win football games.
After a few punts back and fourth the half ended.
Score: Giants 6 - Cowboys 14

Third Quarter:
New York starts off with the ball to begin the half. Their drive stalls, but the Giants elect to go for it on fourth and six from the Cowboys’ thirty-five yard line. It didn’t work.
On Dallas’ next drive, receiver Cole Beasley fumbled the ball and it was recovered by the Giants’ Will Hill. But, hold the phone, because Mathias Kiwanuka was flagged for roughing the passer. So the fumble didn’t count. Throw in a helmet to helmet penalty on Antrel Rolle and it all added up to another Romo to Witten touchdown.
On their next drive, Giants’ tight end Brandon Myers capitalizes on a mental lapse from Dallas. Myers was never touched by Dallas when he dove for a pass, he stood up, dusted himself off, and strolled in for a touchdown.
Dallas punted the ball on their next drive.
After two plays of the Giants’ drive, the quarter ended.
Score : Giants 13 - Dallas 21

Fourth Quarter:
The Giants and Cowboys punted back to back to back to back again. This included a sixty-seven yard boot from Weatherford.
On the Giants’ third possession this quarter, they FINALLY get into the end zone while being less than ten yards out. This touchdown was a pass from Eli to Louis Murphy. The Giants were able to tie the game up with a two point conversion from Andre Brown.
All the Giants had to do was force the Cowboys to punt and the game would go into overtime. But that didn’t happen.
Romo wasn’t under any pressure and, more importantly, he didn’t make any mistakes. The Cowboys drove downfield and drained all of the time on the clock before they kicked the last second, game winning field goal. The Giants’ season is now officially over.
Final Score: Giants 21 - Cowboys 24

This loss ripped my heart out. Like I was one of those sacrificial slaves in the Temple Of Doom. Any chance they had of making the playoffs were cut down with that loss to the Cowboys.

"KALI MA! KALI MAA!"

The Cowboys straight up outplayed the Giants. They were the better team that day.  Can’t complain about the officiating. Cruz’s forward progress wasn’t stopped when he fumbled, that roughing the passer call was soft but a lot of those calls are to begin with, and the Giants got away with a pass interference call.

So what have I learned?

The Giants’ trash talk was about effective as bear hunting with a Super Soaker. They play much better when they other team is talking and they use their mantra, “Talk is cheap, play the game”.

Yup, this air pump water blaster should do the trick...

Those four wins were against mediocre teams at best. They played a good Dallas team on Sunday and they lost. In heartbreaking fashion. Maybe those wins really were a product of inferior teams, not because of the Giants’ playing so much better.

This just wasn’t the Giants’ year. Now that the season is unofficially over I don’t have to waste my December getting tortured by the Giants’ inconsistency. There will be no more “So you’re tellin' me there’s a chance!” talk. Let’s just get through the season as healthy as possible, and try to reload to be contenders next season.

Week 11: Giants vs Packers

The Giants are officially on fire after that win against the Packers. Yes, I know that Aaron Rodgers was on the sidelines looking like a serial killer/pedophile, but it’s still a good team. Alright, a decent team. Regardless it was good team effort and the Giants are still alive in this junk heap of a division.

The Giants, so hot right now. Giants.

First Quarter:
The Giants and Packers exchanged punts to start the game, but on the Giants second possession, Eli connected with Rueben Randle on a twenty-six yard pass.
In response to that touchdown, the Packers ended up going three and out and punting back to the G-Men.
The Giants run eight plays, including a fourth and one conversion with the help of Brandon Jacobs, to end the first quarter.
Score: Giants 7 - Packers 0

Second Quarter:
The Giants continued their drive from the end of the first quarter but settled for a field goal.
Green Bay kicked a field goal as well on their next drive.
When Big Blue got the ball back, it looked like they were putting together another long scoring drive. They even got another fourth and one conversion from Jacobs. However, on a third and long at Green Bay’s fifteen yard line, Manning and receiver Louis Murphy weren’t on the same page and Eli was picked off. Murphy was wide open, and standing still so the ball was thrown to him. Unfortunately, as soon as Eli was throwing the ball, Murphy breaks to the inside and Packers’ cornerback Tramon Williams was there to capitalize on the miscommunication. That pick was easier than finding Ridiculousness or Guy Code on MTV.

It's like America's Funniest Videos, but only it's viral videos and the hosts are annoying.

The Packers couldn’t capitalize on the turnover and punt the ball away.
The G-Men also punted the ball away.
To end the half, Packers’ kicker Mason Crosby boots a fifty-seven yard field goal. That’s a crazy long field goal. Especially in the windy MetLife Stadium.
Score : Giants 10 - Packers 6

Third Quarter:
The second half began with a Packers’ possession. Jon Beason ended the drive abruptly when he picked off Packers’ replacement quarterback Scott Tolzien.
The Giants get three points from that turnover.
Green Bay’s following possession stalled and they elected to punt on a fourth and twelve. However, Louis Murphy, yes the same Murphy that ran from the ball, ran into the Packers’ punter and which was a five yard penalty. Now they Pack is looking at a fourth and seven. They lined up in the punt formation but they tried some shenanigans and run a fake punt running play. Thankfully, Spencer Paysinger sniffed it out and prevented the Packers from getting a first down.
After that turnover on downs, the Giants drove downfield and finished off the drive with a one yard touchdown run by Brandon Jacobs.
The Packers ran one play to finish the quarter.
Score: Giants 20 - Packers 6

Fourth Quarter:
To start off the fourth quarter, the Packers make some big plays, including a fifty-two yard pass from Tolzien to Jarrett Boykin. This drive ended with a beastly run by Eddie Lacy.

"What seems to be your boggle?"

The Giants settled for a punt on their next drive.
So while in the huddle, before the Packers following drive, JPP told his teammates that he was going to pick off Tolzien on the next play. And what happened? The Haitian of Domination, with his near Simon Phoenix hair, not only picked off Tolzien, but he took it to the house to hammer down the final nail in the game’s coffin.
After a Packers’ punt, a Giants’ punt, an Antrel Rolle interception, a Giants’ punt, and a Packers’ possession that goes nowhere, the Giants walk off the field with their fourth win in a row.
Final Score: Giants 27 - Packers 13

This was the most complete game the Giants have played this year. The defense was solid as usual. The offense looked sharper. And the special teams didn’t play like a bunch of drunk, one-legged monkeys. It was a solid effort on all three phases of the game.

The games are only going to get more important as Dallas comes into town. You know that the Giants really need this one. Both in the standings and for revenge purposes.

So what have I learned?

It was nice to see the Haitian of Domination playing at a high level again. If he can keep up this level of play, the already stout defense will become so much better.

It’s crazy that the defense is keeping the Giants relevant. In August, I thought for sure it would be the offense that made the team run.

It’s also encouraging that the Giants’ offense is running more smoothly. They still need some work, but it’s good to see. I think the return of Andre Brown is the reason for Big Blue’s turnaround. Even though every time I see him get tackled I’m worried that he’s going to shatter like a frozen T-1000.

Andre Brown looked fine, until his entire body broke off into a million pieces.

This next game is a must win for the Giants. If they don’t beat Romosexual and the Cowboys, it could very well mean the end of the season for the G-Men. But if they win, it’s another step toward the playoffs in this crazy season.

Week 10: Giants vs Raiders

Three games in a row. The Giants have won three games in a row. They haven’t been the prettiest wins, and they haven’t exactly been against juggernauts, but a win is a win. Let’s get into it...

First Quarter:

Not only is he sexy, he's a great actor too.

This game against the Oakland Raiders started off as pretty as a shirtless Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the Giants’ returner Jerrel Jernigan coughs up the ball on the opening kick off. The ball is snagged by the Raiders’ Taiwan Jones and retuned to the Giants’ five yard line.
Raiders’ QB Terrelle Pryor ended up running the ball in for the score.
The Giants go three and out on their following drive.
On the Raiders’ next drive, they go seven plays, but settle for a punt. During the punt, rookie Damontre Moore blocked the kick and it was recovered and housed by rookie Cooper Taylor.
The Raiders got the ball back but punted the ball away. This time it was successful.
New York couldn’t make anything happen on their next drive because of a Peyton Hillis fumble. To be honest, he shouldn’t have gotten the ball in the first place, because it was a screen pass on a third and twenty.
The Raiders ended up getting three points from that turnover with the help from their tubby kicker, Sebastian Janikowski.
The Giants punted the ball away on their next drive.
After one Raiders’ play, the quarter ended.
Score: Giants 7 - Raiders 10

Second Quarter:
Oakland punts with their first drive of the quarter.
Eli and his rag-tag team of misfits somehow manage to assemble an eleven play drive that ended with a five yard touchdown pass from Eli to Randle.
The Raiders punt again.
On the following drive, Eli got picked off by Tracy Porter. Porter then returned the interception for a touchdown. Like I said before, it was an ugly game.
With over a minute left, Coach Coughlin decided to run the clock out, and not take a shot for another score.
Score: Giants 14 - Raiders 17

Third Quarter:
The Raiders got the ball at the beginning of the half, and the drive ended with their tubby kicker

Nice job, Sebas! Pizza party after the game to celebrate!

blasting a field goal.
The Giants punt the ball back to Oakland.

On his next drive, Terrell Thomas picked off a pass from Terrelle Pryor, and almost took it to the house. But, Thomas almost fumbled the ball. That would have been Terrell-able. GET IT?!
Fortunately, he didn’t fumble and the Giants started their drive on the Raiders’ five yard line. This was Andre Brown’s first game back since his injury during the pre-season, and he came back in a big way with a touchdown run. Looks like the Browntown Express is back on the rails.    
Oakland’s next drive stalls and they punt the ball away. This ended the quarter.
Score: Giants 21 - Raiders 20

Fourth Quarter:
Andre Brown was the star of this opening drive as he ran the ball seven times out of fourteen plays. This drive ended in a field goal.
The Raiders couldn’t get anything going on on their next drive. Especially since Rolle sacked Pryor for a nine yard loss. They wind up punting.
The Giants go three and out and end up punting as well. 
With almost five minutes left in the game Oakland gets the ball back to try to regain the lead. However, Mathias Kiwanuka sacks Pryor and knocks the ball loose. The Giants’ Cullen Jenkins recovers the ball.
The Giants, with the help of the Browntown Express, run the clock out and head into the locker room with their third consecutive win.
Final Score: Giants 24 - Raiders 20

This was a huge win for Big Blue. But at this point, every win is a huge win.

The games are only going to get more crucial with the next three games are against the Rodgersless Packers, a Cowboys team that’s missing Sean Lee, and the Redskins who at the very best are as good as the Giants. This series of games could really change the landscape of the NFC East.

So what have I learned?

The Giants’ defense is carrying this team. It’s up to the offense to step up and start playing up to their potential. I don’t know what their problem is. Maybe they need some inspiration. Not Batkid inspiration, because that’ll just bring everyone to tears. They need something like a Jonathan Moxon halftime speech inspiration.

It's the inspiration this team deserves, but not the inspiration it needs right now.

The offense isn’t far off from breaking out. Eli and his receivers are very close to connecting on a lot of those passes. Once that gets figured out, the offense can really explode.

Terrell Thomas, who is sometimes referred to as T2, really is like the Terminator. After three ACL surgeries, he still has his eyes on the mission at hand.

It is great to have Andre Brown back. The Giants were missing a consistent running back like him. Unfortunately, Brown is as durable as a wet pinata. Hopefully he can stay healthy for the rest of the year. Maybe he shouldn't get thirty carries a game.

The big punt block and return were executed by two rookies. It’s good to see that the Giants have some big play ability with two of their young players.

Three and six was the Redskins record last year and they ended up winning the division. As long as the Giants have a breath, they have a chance.

Bye Week: Five Best Wins and Losses (in my biggest fan years)

Since the Giants are on a bye this week, I don’t have much to discuss. And since the Giants have gone from Super Bowl winners a year and a half ago, to a measly two and six this year, I figured that it would be fitting to talk about the five best wins and five best losses for the Giants over the past couple of years. Mostly through the latter Fassel/Collins years and the Coughlin/Manning years.
Some of these games I look over in great fondness. Some of them make me want to throw my computer through a window.

Worst Losses:

Honorable mentions:

Panthers at Giants - 2005/2006 Playoffs NFC Wild Card Round
Score: CAR 23 - NYG 0
January 8th, 2006
This game sticks out because this was the Giants first playoff shutout in twenty years. New York was out matched on every level. These games happen, but the fact it happened in the playoffs puts it into consideration.

Cowboys at Giants
Score: DAL 35 - NYG 32
September 15th, 2003
“The Matt Bryant Game”
If this was a playoff game, or was late in the year, it would be in the top five. If you remember this game, the Giants scored eighteen points in the fourth quarter to get the lead with only eleven seconds left. Matt Bryant, the Giants kicker, was told to squib kick the ball instead of the usual kick off. The ball goes out of bounds which is an illegal procedure penalty. With the good field position from the penalty and only eleven ticks off the clock, the ‘Boys tie the game and eventually win in overtime. Here’s a game that was blown by special teams. Spoiler alert... it’s not the only one I talk about. 

Here are the official top 5.

Yeah, keep leaning, jerk. It's still wide left.

5 - Giants at Seahawks
Score: SEA 24 - NYG 21
November 27th, 2005
“The Jay Feely Game”
Getting a win in Seattle can be tough. But it’s damn near impossible when your kicker missed three consecutive field goals. The first of three misses was with four seconds left in regulation. That would have sent the Giants back home with a win. Feely then missed two field goals in overtime. IN OVERTIME! I would say that this game was like Feely kicking Giants’ fans in the teeth, but he’d probably miss. Chalk up another heartbreaker to a special teams flub up.

4 - Giants vs Ravens - Super Bowl XXXV
Score: BAL 34 - NYG 7
January 28, 2001
This was just a straight up ass whoopin’. Like Daniel LaRusso getting attacked by a bunch of black belts high schoolers dressed as skeletons. Even when the Giants got some momentum with a kick off return for a touchdown, the Ravens took the momentum back when they returned the following kick off with a touchdown of their own. But for as bad as it was, at least they made it to the Super Bowl. So there’s that silver lining.

3 - Giants vs Eagles - 2008/2009 NFC Divisional Round
Score: PHI 23 - NYG 11
January 11, 2009
Coming off a Super Bowl winning season, the Giants were in good shape to repeat by having a record of eleven and one. But then in the middle of the season, their stud receiver Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg. They ended up finishing with a twelve and four record.
After having a bye for the Wild Card round, the Giants squared off against the Eagles. It did not go well. The Giants could not score one single touchdown during the game. Considering it was their shot to have back-to-back Super Bowl wins, this loss really stings.

2 - Giants vs Eagles
Score: PHI 38 - NYG 31
December 19, 2010
“The Matt Dodge Game”
For a regular season loss, this was more of a heartbreaker than the ending of Old Yeller. Giants' punter, Matt Dodge, was a colossal screw up. He made Amanda Bynes look like Maya Angelou.

"Roses are red, oysters are shucked; Glad Dodge is gone, 'cause that guy sucked."

At the beginning of the fourth quarter, the Giants were up thirty-one to ten. But the Eagles scored
three touchdowns in six minutes to tie the game up at thirty-one. Since the “winning the game in four quarters” ship has sailed, the Giants were going to try to win the game in overtime. With only a few seconds to go in regulation, all Dodge had to was punt the ball out of bounds, away from the explosive DeSean Jackson, and the Giants will live to see another day. However, Dodge kicks the ball right to Jackson and Jackson proceeded to return the punt for a touchdown to win the game for the Eagles. It looks like the Giants still can’t figure out how to cover a punt return.

1 - Giants at 49ers - 2002/2003 NFC Wild Card Round
Score: SF 39 - NYG 38
January 5, 2003
“The Trey Junkin/Blown Call Game”
This game was the perfect storm of a horrible game. It was a playoff game, the Giants gave up a big lead, there was a monumental screw up by someone on the team, and the officials didn’t do their job correctly so their season, and their Super Bowl aspirations, ended with a blown call.
When the fourth quarter started the Giants were up thirty-eight to twenty-two. Then the 49ers score seventeen points to take a one point lead. But here’s where the game from bad, to disastrous:

I dunno, looks like a mugging to me.

Meet Trey Junkin. He was a long time NFL long snapper who came out of retirement to play for the Giants during the playoffs. With only a few seconds left of the game the Giants line up for a game-winning field goal. Junkin botches the snap and all hell breaks loose. Matt Allen, the Giants’ place holder, tried make some magic happen and throw the ball downfield. Offensive lineman Tam Hopkins was flagged as an ineligible man downfield. But a penalty wasn’t called when Rich Seubert, who was an eligible receiver, was in position to catch the ball that Matt Allen chucked in the air, but was absolutely mugged by the 49ers defensive end Chike Okeafor. A pass interference penalty should have been called. This means that there should have been offsetting penalties and the Giants should have gotten another crack at a game winning field goal. But no such luck as the Giants blow a big lead and the refs blow a big call. But it’s okay, because the Giants got an official apology from the NFL’s director of officiating, Mike Pereira.

Best Wins:

"That's my quarterback, and this is my sad face."

5 - Giants at Cowboys - 2007/2008 NFC Divisional Round
Score: NYG 21 - DAL 17
January 13, 2008
“The ‘That’s my Quarterback’ Game’”
There wasn’t really anything special about this game. The Giants just played better than the Cowboys. The fact that the Giants beat the Cowboys in Dallas to end their season was reason enough to include this game. Plus, the loss made Terrell Owens cry over his Cabo sun tanned quarterback, Tony Romo, so that’s a nice cherry on the “Romo can’t win the big one” sundae.

4 - Giants at 49ers - 2011/2012 NFC Championship
Score: NYG 20 - SF 17
January 22, 2012
“The Kyle Williams Game”
This game was a tough, gritty, old school football game. The Giants, especially Eli Manning, showed a lot of guts this game. He got his ass kicked almost every possession the Giants had. But he hung in there and played well, and didn’t make any mistakes.
Fortunately for the Giants, the 49ers made two costly mistakes. Both were committed by the 9ers return man, Kyle Williams. On the first a punt grazed his leg ever so slightly, and the Giants recovered the live ball. The Giants scored on that drive. His second fumble was during a punt return in overtime. The Giants recovered that ball as well and that set the Giants up with the game winning field goal. It certainly wasn’t a pretty game, but it showed the Giants had grit, and of course, it brought the Giants to the Super Bowl.

3 - Giants at Packers - 2007/2008 NFC Championship
Score: NYG 23 - GB 20
January 20, 2008

Coughlin should really stand near the heaters.

At a brutally cold Lambeau Field, with the game time temperature at negative one degree, and a wind chill of twenty nine below, it was the third coldest game in NFL history. Just ask Coach Tom Coughlin. His face looked like a pork chop with freezer burn. This was another hard fought game in the elements. It ended up going into overtime where Corey Webster intercepted a Brett Favre pass. This resulted in a forty-seven yard field goal by former Giants' kicker, and current MRSA patient, Lawrence Tynes, sending the Giants to the Super Bowl.

2 - Giants vs Patriots - Super Bowl XLVI
Score: NYG 21 - NE 17
February 5, 2012
This was the second Super Bowl matchup of the Giants and the Patriots in four years. This game wasn’t as exciting as their previous meeting. But there were enough exciting plays to make this game very interesting. Chase Blackburn boxing out a hobbled Gronk to intercept one of Brady’s passes. Brady barely overthrowing a wide open Welker. Manning’s incredible throw to Mario Manningham down the sideline. Bradshaw’s anti-climactic, deuce-dropping run into the end zone for the lead. The final second throw by Brady that almost landed in Gronk’s hands, and almost gave me a heart attack.
This game ended in a fourth quarter comeback, which shouldn’t surprise anybody, because that’s how so many games that season were played. Eli said during training camp that season that he was an “elite” quarterback. Well, that gosh darn quarterback proved it with his second Super Bowl MVP.

1 - Giants vs Patriots - Super Bowl XVII
Score: NYG 17 - NE 14
February 3, 2008
“One Giant Loss”
This will be the game that I’ll tell my grandkids about. This was the ultimate David and Goliath story. An undefeated Patriots team that spent the season ripping teams apart, played a team that clinched a wild card spot in week sixteen. They met on the final week of the season and the Giants put up one hell of a fight, but ultimately lost to the Patriots.

See, Tarantino's movies aren't that bloody..

To say this game was close is to say that Tarantino movies are only a bit bloody. A Patriots team that was running up the score on teams was held to only fourteen points. This was due to the pressure that the Giants front four was bringing. But it took more than that. This was the game that Eli fastened the belt on his big boy pants. That last drive of his demanded that he’d be taken seriously by the rest of the league. That one play in particular, you know, the escape from the grasp of a defensive tackle and chucking the ball to Tyree only to have him catch the ball with his helmet. It could be called luck, but do you know what luck is? When hard work meets opportunity.
This is arguably the best Super Bowl ever, and it’s no surprise why. It also shouldn’t be a surprise why this is the best Giants’ win, definitely in the past fifteen years, possibly in Giants history.